#8 - Lawsuit Wars! Part 2

[whatbombsatmidnite]

LAWSUIT WARS!
Pt 2(subtitle determined later)
By SOCOMSoldier017, Daemon Seedlet, and WhatBombsAtMidnight

Mike suddenly felt a weird feeling as he and the gang walked up the steps and onto the second floor, where the elevators to the very top were located.
"Well, this is it. We're almost home free to saving the universe" the Red Ranger said.
"I'm nervous" said Angel Keannu
"Don't worry, we've done it a million times before, all we have to do is do it again." Curtis said.
As the group made their way towards the elevators a portal opened in front of them. Out of it came a man wearing a long flowing cloak, much like the monks of shaolin wear. This man however was taller and had long hair. He held what appeared to be a spear with a leather sheath at the spear end. He stared calmly at the group.
"This guy doesn't look that evil." Mike said.
"He isn't, he is merely here to help, to test your ability." Jet li replied.
"What!? But I don't know how to fight."
"Yes you do Mike, you're the one who killed Vergil."
"I did?"
"Trust me, just let yourself relax and flow. And use this."
Jet li handed Mike a short sword. Mike accepted the weapon and stepped forward to meet the challenger. "All I gotta do is relax, and focus, Mike thought. A comftorable feeling of calmness and focus vapored over Mike. Everyone noticed as his gaze matched the ever focused gaze of the man with the spear. The man with the spear bowed, as did Mike. The challenger got into a fighting stance as he unsheathed the spear, a white bunch of furs hanging at the end as to distract. Mike, surprising the others, unsheathed his sword and simultaneously leaped forward at the man. He seemed to be gliding in mid air as he held his sword out in front. The man with the spear faded back, also gliding through the air. The two landed ten feet away from where they had started. Mike unleashed a series of slashes and thrust at the spear wielding opponent. The man countered Mike's moves with a series of blocks. They were both moving at tremendous speed, such that the surge coating the ground seemed to be lifting up in sprays everytime the two made contact. Mike flew forward unleashing a series of flips and rolls all the while blocking and striking the challenger's spear. The speared man javelined on his spear unleashing a series of kicks all of which Mike blocked. The fight looked almost like a dance, neither person touching each other but blocking and countering at incredible speed.
"They're both pretty good." Chuck Norris said. "Reminds me at that age..except I don't think I was ever that good."
The two fighters faded back across from each other meditating.
"What are they doin'?" asked bubba sparxxx.
"They are taking in what they have seen from each other and figuring out how to land a blow, they are both so good that they can't touch each other, and so fast that they can barely analyze each other's moves during motion." Jet Li responded.
"**bleep**!" The yin yang twins replied as the rest of the group watched.
The two stood there for about a minute until the man with the spear lifted his weapon making a circular motion, the furs gathering surge sending the liquid in a circular motion of drops. Mike ran forward with such speed that the drops burst on his blade and face as he lunged forward. It was as if they were moving in slow motion as the more skilled fighters of the group watched, while the others saw a flash of motion and a falling body. Mike lunged forward through the liquid and parried the man's spear cutting the blade end of the spear off. The speared man's eyes widened as Mike thrust forward, but not penetrating sending the man falling backward doing a roll and landing in a knelt position.
"It is done, Mike is the winner." the man said as he stood up taking his spear and the broken part and sheathing it again. Mike sheathed his sword and they both bowed. The man walked over to Jet Li and bowed as well. "Thank you Li, this one is ready." and with that, he dissapeared into the portal from which he came.
"I...I didn't think I could...I didn't think I could do all of that." Mike stammered in a dazed amazement.
"Your fighting skills are superb! You shoulda been on the show." the Power rangers replied as they struck a pose.
The group congradulated Mike as Keannu reinacted the fight annoying Chuck who cok punched him. "Whoaa, that was like, awesome." Keannu replied as the group headed toward the elevator. Suddenly a platoon of emperor penguins with rockets strapped to their backs waddled into the room. "Quack!" They exclaimed.
"What the..."
Before any of our always-ready-to-make-a-remark heroes could quip further, Jesse Jackson and Johnny Cochran appeared. "Halt, do-gooders. Your likenesses are being used against the trademark holders' wishes. Therefore, this must cease at once. Best way to do this is simple."
Jesse Jackson snapped his fingers and MummRa joined him. The ragged villain shouted some crazy jibberish and several time riffs opened. The group was being pulled away from each other! "With you all divided, you'll never be able to stop Tim and Bludgeon!"
Mike, Keanu, St Bishop, Curtis, and the Power Rangers were **bleep** into one portal, while Norris, Sparxx, Yin Yang Twins into another, and Skeletor and his group into another.
Then, MummRa closed the riffs. "Bludgeon will see to it that they do not return soon. Ha ha ha!"
"Only two HAs are allowed, MummRa." Johnny Cochran said.
* * * *
"Great Googaly Moogaly!" Bubba Sparxxx said as him, Norris, and the Yin Yang twins were taken to what appeared to be a fighting cage in the arctic.
"It's cold here, and I smell...battle." Norri said as he and the group were inside an octagon shaped ring within a cage. Another portal opened to their left. Out of it, came DMX.
"WHAT'S MY NAME! I'M DMX AND I BE THE BEST, AND IM HERE TO CHALLENGE YOU BUBBA SPARXXX!" he said as he walked over to bubba.
"Guess this is all me." Sparx said as him and DMX squared off.
The fight was mediocre at best seeing as neither had any super powers. So after a minute of fighting the two decided to stick with what they were good at, and have a rap battle. Bubba Sparxxx was on the ropes as DMX unleashed a series of lyrical stylings talking about rough riders, and shots to the chest and fat momma jokes. Bubba sparxxx came back about spitting about A-town and hoes and skizzas as well as college park. The both seemed to be evenly matched.
"These beats are funky fresh." Chuck norris said as he procedded to do the A town stomp. All of a sudden light started surrounding sparxxx.
"Yo man keep dancin. It's gettin' me crunk! CRUNKALITY!!!" Sparxxx yelled.
All of a sudden bubba sparxxx changed and in a flash there stood Lil' John.
"Oh no! I ain't no match for the king of crunk." DMX quivered.
"YEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHH!" Lil' John said as his bling unleashed an energy beam knocking down DMX.
"Dang son...yalls is pretty good. What are ya'll doin here anyway." DMX asked.
So the twins Norris and Sparxxx laid it all on DMX. The whole weird, twisted, cool, freaking story.
"Man...that's pretty messed up yo. I'll help yall out." DMX said as he shook everyone's hand. "Plus ya'll got my main man Jet Li. Gotta join ya' now. I don't wanna square off with that dude."
As the group headed off into the portal to return them to the very top floor of the secret hideout, they all wondered how Skeletor's group was doing......
* * * *
Skeletor stood up and composed himself. As his eyes, or eyesockets, scanned his surroundings, he was disgusted. "Are we in a Macy's?!"
The T-101 scanned, literally, the area as well. "Confirmed. Macy's department store. Junior's section."
Several petite ladies quickly scurried outta the section. Jet Li started to follow.
"Li! Priorities! We need to find a way outta here."
Screams echoed up the esculator from the ground level. "And soon. Something's coming."
"Li, prepare to kick something!" Skeletor demanded.
"I can do more than-"
"Silence!"
From the automatic staircase came Dennis Hopper, Gary Oldman, and Christopher Walken.
"Are you friends or foes?" The T-101 asked.
"Depends on the script."
Suddenly, a big man in a rhino costume crashed through the wall and knocked the terminator off its feet.
Jet Li UNLEASHED some of his best moves, all of which were futile - the man was like a rock.
Skeletor aimed his Havoc Staff and fired...
BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM
All went silent as the blast from Skeletor's weapon produced a group of koala bears that surrounded and proceeded to climb all over Rhino. "Ahhh!" The armored invader screamed and retreated out of the store with the koala bears in pursuit.
"How did you know to do that?" Dennis Hopper asked.
"Because, Rhinos fear koala bears." T-101 replied.
"Let us move on!" Skeletor decreed as he led his group out of Macy's into - a mall!
"How do we get back?"
"That I do not know. I assume we're still in Mike's dimension, so I propose we search for Carmen Sandiego and try to contact Master Fisto and Heyzeus - after I visit Sbarro's."
* * * *
Mike felt like he was being held down by an anvil. In actuality, it was Keanu. "Dude, get off of me!"
"You're not gonna believe this," Cowboy Curtis began "but I think we're even worse off than we were before."
A small teddy bear poked Mike in the ribs with a stick. "Yub yub."
"Endor?"
Two more teddy bears swung over head on vines and canonballed into Keanu. "I-Yee-Ya!"
"Endor?!?! We're on frigg'n Endor?!"
Keanu kicked the Ewoks off and stood up. "Dude, these Care Bears are dirty."
"Wrong movie - ah, forget it." St Bishop said.
Mike looked out into the forest, not sure what he was looking for. "Well, it could've been worse. Could've been Naboo swamps."
A swarm of bats flew descended from the high trees - and metamorphed into Elvis Presley-looking vampires!
"Suggestions anyone?" Mike asked."
"Yep," St Bishop said, backing up. "RUN AWAY!"
"Wait!" Mike said, looking as if an idea had JUST occurred to him. "Can we... I mean can we REALLY... outrun the power of the King?!"
As if awaiting this cue, the vampires all began to sway their hips in unison and croon soft diabolical "Ah-uh-huh"s, while Mike stood there looking for all the world like a moron, steadily getting more and more entranced.
"OH GOOD CRIMINY!" yelled St Bishop, smacking Mike around violently. "COME ON! RUN! STOP LISTENING!"
Mike finally, slowly, turned around with a look of utter confusion on his face. "But I could swear one of those vampires reminds me of... Dad?"
Curtis looked to Keanu. "Now that's some f^cked up s#it right there."
As the Power Rangers fought off most of the vampires, the head honcho ran off into the forest, with Mike following.
"Rangers, hold 'em off while we go get Mike!"
"Yeah, don't let them bite you." Keanu said. "We don't need Vampire Rangers!"
* * * *
Bludgeon and Tim turned to see Jesse Jackson, Johnny Cochran, and MummRa entering their office. "It is done. The Fight'n Celebs have been seperated."
"We will still need to send in Extermination Squads! Gather the generals! The hunt is afoot!"
* * * *
Back in Chuck and Bubba's group along w/ their new friend DMX they had just gotten done walking through the portal. "Where are we now?" asked The yin yang twins. The scenery was something from an old kung fu flick. They were in what appeared to be a shaolin monestary. "Ah, my old training grounds..as well as Jet li's." Chuck Norris smiled as he and the group headed out of the courtyard and into the nearest room. Suddenly, figures descended from the sky and landed in a circle surrounding the group. "Oh shiznit son! Chinese gangsta's!" Bubba sparxx said. "No..these are shaolin monks, don't move, let me handle this." Chuck Norris held his hand out and made a symbol with his fingers. "Man you throwin' up gang signs and stuff, we gonna get shot, stop!" the twins said. "The other monks smiled and returned the gesture, relaxing. "It's the taoist symbol, it means we're brothers, not literally, but like you and the yin yang twins mean it" Chuck said staring at Bubba and the twins. "oh...my bad yo." Bubba replied. A slightly taller figure emerged from the group of monks. "Ah Chuck! Welcome back my student" "Hello, Leu Kang." Chuck replied, bowing. "OH JUNK IT"S THE MORTAL KOMBAT GUY" Bubba said. "Glad to see you again Chuck, but if you want to pass, you must fight me...and kill me." The group looked stunned as did Chuck. "I don't understand." Chuck replied. "DO IT NOW!!" Leu said as he did a flying kick toward Chuck knocking him to the ground. Leu immediately put chuck in a head lock and whispered in his ear. "I know why you guys are here, Bludgeon is forcing me to fight you or he'll destroy my monestary and kill my students." Leu said. "We have to make this fight look convincing, I must, pretend to kill you." Leu said. "Yes sir." Chuck said as they seperated. The two fought extremely hard and fast as as Bubba and the twins looked on in astonishment. "Man, I'm never gonna need to watch kung fu movies again." the twins whispered. "Fo' sho." Bubba replied. The fight lasted an hour, Chuck landing some devestating blows, but Leu countering and firing back not missing his mark. Leu was far superior.
* * * * * * * * *
Back on Endor, Mike and the others ran through Endor. "Come on! I see a portal, head towards it!" St Bishop yelled. "We-" They immediately halted as a dark figure appeared in front of them. "You are worthless and weak, you shall not pass." said the figure, pulling a silver stick from his belt. He hit a switch and a red beam apppeared from it. "Whos this fool!?" Jet Li asked as he spoke into his communicator. "My god, that's Darth Vader, whatever you do, don't fight him do you understand me! Just run!! RUN!!" Master Fisto replied. The group bolted and hauled a$$ in the other direction immediately stopping, running into storm troopers! "We're totally trapped. No way!" Angel Keanu said. The two forces of evil moved in on the group....
* * * *
"Get out of there!" Kit Fisto screamed into the comlink. "It's a trap!"
No response. No use.
The Jedi Master set his headset down and looked at Zombie Heyzeus. "For some reason, it's as if their power is derived from proximity. When they're all together, their potential makes them invincible."
"And when they're seperated, they're vulnerable, mortal."
"Like Dante after Kaitlin left him for the Ferris Wheel." Randal added.
"She did not leave me for the ferris wheel!" Dante exclaimed.
"Whatever you say, man."
Kit grabbed a Gatoraide from the shelf. "We need to find a way to bring them back together."
"Don't drink all the Gatoraide!"
* * * *
While the T-101 accessed the internet at a Barnes and Nobles - (how? with robo-magic,that's how!) - Jet Li was browsing through **bleep**'s Sporting Goods. But it was Skeletor who would earn results.
Skeletor was trashing a Hot Topic for its misuse of his likeness when he saw Carmen Sandiego dash out of a Claire's across the mall. "It's that bitc h!"
The T101 looked up, "Target acquired." it said in a monotone Austrian accented voice. "Hurry! She's getting away!" Skeletor screamed as he chased after her. Jet li looked up, grapped a jump rope from the workout section of the store and hurled it at Carmen Sandiego's legs. She gasped as she tumbled to the floor with a thud. The group ran up to her.
"Were is the disc." The T101 asked. "In my jacket pocket for crying out loud!" Carmen yelled as the machine pulled the disc from her pocket. "Who are you and what are you doing here?" Ask Jet Li. "My name is Carmen Sandiego, I am a spy for Bludgeon and I am collecting data about your group and all of your weaknesses.
"I don't have any weaknesses!" Skeletor shot back.
"Oh yes you all do. For instance, The T101 after me is weak to EMP's and sugar coated bratwurst. Skeletor, you are weak to He-Man and the Care Bears."
"Yeah, yeah...what about Li?"
"Jet Li, your only weakness is that you have never lost, to anything or anybody."
"This is true, but my time may be up." Li replied calmly.
"What do you mean?" Skeletor asked.
"The prophecy I behold goes like this, one of us in the group of celebrities will save the universe, one will die. Balance will be restored. The one that dies, is me."
"And the one that lives....?" Skeletor asked.
"Mike, Mike is the key to solving this whole thing."
The group tied up Carmen Sandiego and the T101 hoisted her on it's back. The group wandered through the mall looking for a way out. As they got towards the exit a huge looming figure landed in front of them. When the dust settled it appeared to be a large Mech type machine. "This is a model T-500, from my future." The T101 said.
"Holy hell!" Skeletor yelled as he and Li jumped backward. The T101 tossed Carmen Sandiego to the side where Li and Skeletor were.
"Leave this to me." The t101 said as it shed it's artificial skin and revealed it's metal skeleton figure.
"Guess they did design those things after me." Skeletor said.
The T101 lunged at the Mech as the Mech fired from it's gatling turrets. The T101 ripped one of the turrets off and unloaded on the Mech. The mech remained unphased by any attack the t101 threw at it. The T101 was knocked to the floor by a massive swing of the mechs arm. The t101's legs were ripped off from the blow. The mech then turned toward skeletor, sandiego, and Li. Before it could strike a fatal blow, the T101 lunged onto the things head. "Get out..now! I am detonating my power cell and terminating the t-500."
"But we can't leav-" Skeletor was interupted by the countdown of a timer and the glowing of the t101's core as the room began to heat up.
"Get as far away as possible!" The t101 yelled. Skeletor used his havoc staff to make a hover craft. Jet Li, Skeletor, and Carmen Sandiego loaded onto it as Sandiego blew a kiss to the T101. "Good bye, metal man." she said as they sped off throught the exit. The T101's core was two seconds to detonation. "You're terminated." it said as the T101's core erupted.
Skeletor looked back but shielded his eyes as a tremendous flash and a mushroom cloud filled the miles of land behind them.
"He may have been a machine, but a brave warrior none the less." Li said. The rest of the trip was silent as the group sped through the desert looking for a way back to the rest of the group. "Wonder how Norris and his group of crazed freaks are doing." skeletor wondered.
* * * * * * * *
Liu Kang and Chuck Norris had resorted to pushing each other after forty minutes of equal sparring.
"You...you're ready, Mr Norris."
"Thank you..Mr..Mr Kang."
Sparx, DMX, and the twins finished their ice cream, got up, and stretched. "Now what?"
A flash of smoke later, they were surrounded by Orcs and their commander, Serpentor. "Kill them all. This I command!"
Norris and Kang stood in battle stances. "Never a moment for character development, huh?"
"Never."
* * * *
Somewhere, Somewhen, many people were shopping at Wal Mart...
* * * *
Ewoks died left and right as Imperial Stormtroopers and Darth Vader surrounded Mike, Curtis, keanu, and St Bishop.
Mike addressed Vader. "Where is my father? I followed him here."
"Norris never told you what happened to your father."
"No, why would he?"
"Because, I am your father."
"This is kinda lame." Keanu said.
Vader took off his helmet, revealing the head Elvis Vampire honcho, then bit off an Ewok's head.
"This is kinda cool." Keanu said.
"Join me, Mike, and we can kill Bludgeon together!"
A time riff appeared. "Let's not look the gift vampire in the fang!" Bishop yelled as he jumped through, followed by Mike, Keanu, and Curtis. Then, the riff closed.
Vader let out a scream in anger.
The Power Rangers turned the tree to see stormtroopers marching their way. "Ah Crap."
* * *
Liu Kang and chuck decimated the orc forces and beat the christosishos out of Serpentor. The monks used Serpentor as a kicking bag for practice while Kang and Norris rested with Bubba and the twins. "So are you going to help us?" Chuck asked Liu. "I most certaintly will, I'll even bring all my shaolin monks with me, as well as my brother Kung Lao."
"Someone say my name!? I'm busy playin' XBox right now, maybe later." Kung Lao said from his room above the group.
"We need you now, this is better than XBox." Liu replied.
"Better huh? Ok!" Kung Lao descended from the top floor, gently landing on level with our heroes. Everyone introduced themselves, Kung Lao got autographs from Bubba and the twins. "Love yall's music!" Kung Lao said. "Oh fo' shizzle, we love Mortal Kombat yo! It's bock bock know what I'm sayin!?"
"Alright, so we need to make a portal out of here and to find the others, who's gonna do the honors?" Norris asked.
"We do it, real soft like" the yin yang twins whispered.
"Wonder twin powers activate." as the twins put their dreads together. A portal to the surge factory opened up.
"In we go!" Liu Kang yelled as him, Kung Lao, Norris, Sparxxx and the twins, as well as the fifty monks jumped through the portal.
"hey...someone get me down from here! I'll get you an ice cream I swear!" Serpentor pleaded
* * * * * * * * * *
Skeletor's group sped through the desert on the hover craft. Carmen Sandiego and Jet Li were asleep as skeletor was listening to his Kenny G tapes. Suddenly, he saw a glow in the distance. "Hey **bleep**s, wake up! I found a portal so get ready for any inconveniences we may have along the way." As the two woke up, Jet li untied Carmen Sandiego. "You're of more use to us if you can move." Jet Li said. "Thank you" Carmen replied. As the group came within a few feet of the portal they saw a giant green man standing in front of it. Skeletor stopped the hover craft as the group got out. "I am the green giant from the green bean commercials, you shall not pass."
"We don't have time for this crap, Li."
"Got it." Li said as he ran for the giant. He kicked it's knee cap out and brought it face to face with Jet Li. Before the giant could cry in pain, Jet Li reeled back and punched the thing over the heart. An indent of Jet Li's fist came out of the back of the giants left shoulder blade. The giant spat blood and fell to the ground dead.
"God I'm glad he's on our side." Skeletor said.
"I guess it's safe to go through now huh?" Carmen asked.
"So what's the deal with you, you on our side now?" Skeletor asked
"I hate Bludgeon, and Tim kept looking up my dress and trying to fondle me, so yeah...let's kill that fuker." Carmen replied.
The group walked through the portal, back to the surge factory.

* * * * * * * *********************************************
Mike, Curtis, Keanu, and Bishop fell on their faces, laid out on the factory floor.
Another portal opened and Skeletor, Carmen Sandiego, and Jet Li fell on top of the others.
"Get off of me!" Bishop yelled.
"I will when I feeeeeel like it, ha ha ha ha!" Skeletor replied.
Another portal opened and out came Norris's team and 50 shaolin monks.
Once everyone got to their feet and composed themselves, Mike surveyed their surroundings. "It's the Surge factory, allright, but where's Bludgeon? Or Tim?"
"It looks the same." Jet Li replied.
"Oh, God no." Curtis said.
"What is it?" Norris asked.
"I think we're too late. Look!"
Everyone turned to see a side of the factory was missing, the rural landscape now devastated and littered witht he remains of buildings and monuments.
"We must've gone ahead days from when we left, and in that time, the four dimensions merged. They have won."
"Not yet they haven't."



"But, yes they have, hence the devastation." Skeletor corrected.
"Then, we'll undo it!"
"Oh, I get ya!"

TO BE CONTINUED...

(END OF PART TWO)