#10 - Lawsuit Wars! Part 4

[whatbombsatmidnite]

LAWSUIT WARS!
PT 4 (Subtitle to be determined later)
By SOCOMSoldier017 and WhatBombsAtMidnight

The group headed for a huge door at the end of the hall.
"There!" Mike yelled.
The group dashed for the door. Just as they got within a few feet another group appeared in front of the door in a flash. Something seemed familiar about the group.
"What the-" Mike stammered.
It was like he was looking into a mirror. It was the exact same group. All the time traveling had taken it's toll as the group had met with themselves from the past. This thought filled everyone's head instantly.
"How long ago were you guys here?" mike asked.
"About a minute or two ago." the other Mike said. "Here, hold up your medallion."
The two Mike's held their medallions up. A bright light shone between the two groups as they merged into just one group.
"Hey! I feel like I could bang twenty chicks at the same time!" Bubba Sparxxx yelled.
"I feel stronger too." Norris said.
"Me too." Mike thought.
"The medallion has been used, you are all now at your peak." a voice said.
Everyone looked around to see Jet li, in hologram form above them.
"Live broadcast from heaven." Fisto said.
"Thank you Li." Curtis said.
Li bowed. "It's all up to you Mike." and dissappeared.
The group of heros, after being through all the grief the universe had to offer, were about to be pushed to their limit. Mike reached out, and opened the huge door to reveal a happening tupperware party.
Mike closed the door. "Why was MummRa and Jesse...nevermind. Maybe it's this way..."
They walked around and found another door. Mike opened this one to see a dog show. "What the..."
Mike closed that door and kept going.
Curtis stepped in front of Mike. "Let me get this one." Curtis opened the next door with a smile. Inside that room was a funeral. "Crap."
"I don't get it."
"It's all a ruse!" yelled Kit Fisto. Wielding his lightsaber, he charged through the funeral and cut the casket in half. The funeral gatherers dissolved into dust.
"Sh1t!" Fisto yelled.
They left that room and walked down a hallway, a hallway full of doors.
"Hey I know which one!" Keanu said pulling a bundle of keys from his pocket.
"Courtesy of the key master" Curtis said.
Skeletor surrounded the others in a field which Keanu pulled using his flight. They flew down the hallway at mind-numbing speed until they reached a red door at the end. On the door was a note that read: "Not a secret hideout, no way, no sir, nothing here!"
"Aw man...it's not it." Keanu said.
"Yes it is you idiot, get out of the way." Skeletor pushed the door open.
Skeletor opened the door to see a large lens descending to intercept him. "Prepare for retinal scan."
"Oh crap." Skeletor waved his wand real quick as the machine scanned his eye sockets. Eyeballs appeared just as the reading laser passed over them. "Scan confirmed. Welcome back, Vince MacMahon."
Skeletor turned to Mike. "I had a feeling." He then aimed his Havoc Staff and temporarily gave everyone Vince MacMahon's eyes.
They passed into the main chamber - similar to the underground city located int he Mines of Moiria. Before them was a bridge, and a bridgekeeper. "Halt, thee, until I have heard 3 satisfactory answers to 3 necessary questions! Otherwise you will be..."
dropped into the lava pit below you.
"Well, I'm not really surprised by all the perils and tribulations I've been through thus far so I'll go first. Fire away chachi." Mike said.
"Answer me this mike...What did the five fingers, say to the face!?" the bridgekeeper asked.
"Slap" Mike said as he reached out and slapped the bridge keeper's face.
"Correct, you and two others may pass."
Mike took Fisto and Curtis with him.
Next up to answer a question was Chuck Norris.
"Mr. Norris answer me th-"
"I answer all questions with a roundhouse kick to the face, so unless you want to loose your head, I suggest you get the hell out of the way and let me pass." Norris replied grimly.
"you may pass" the bridge keeper said. "But only you can cross."
Norris crossed the bridge.
The last person to answer a question was Bubba Sparxxx.
"If you do not answer this correctly, then the rest shall die!"
"Oh, hell no!" Skeletor said as he used his Havoc Staff to encapsule himself and disappear.
Bishop and Keanu smiled. "We're already dead." They walked past the bridgekeeper.
The bridgekeeper turned to Bubba. "What is the airspeed velocity of an unlaiden swallow?"
"The speed it takes for me to grab her pigtail-"
The floor beneath Bubba and the twins gave way. "At least we'll come back as angels......"
The bridgekeeper turned to see Mike right up in his face. "Slap!" And with that, the bridgekeeper went careening down into the lava pit, too.
As Mike, Kit, Curtis, Norris, Bishop, and Keanu moved on, Skeletor reappeared, out of breath. "I'm never teleporting blind again. No being should have to go to Akron without an antidote."
"So, you have arrived. Right on que!" Tim's voice boomed throughout the chamber, most likely over a speaker system. "Have at you!"
In The Hall of the Mountain King began playing as several doors slid open, revealing a pizzlyroboterminatrixbear, Carrot Top and three ginger kids, a pack of velociraptors, Oprahites, and Keith Richards.
"And this is just an appetizer!" Bludgeon's voice said.
"Well that's just fine and dandy!!" Norri said. "Trivvette! Need back up!" he yelled. Ranger Trivette appeared from the sky in angel form. "Let's kick it partner!" Trivette said. "We've got the ginger kids!" yelled Norris. "Cool with me, we'll take on the Oprahites!" Mike yelled as he and Curtis ran at them. "Left overs are fine with me." Keannu said as he flew toward the raptors. "Keith Richards, prepare to be Keith...dead." Skeletor said as he aimed his havoc staff and fired. The battle that ensued was epic. Ginger kids and oprahites flew in the air as Norris's roundhouse kicks knocked all of them airborne as they fell to the ground dead. Ranger Trivette firing his six shooter. Mike and Curtis lunged at the oprahites using a mixture of martial arts and berserking as they beat the bejebus out of the oprahites. It was tough though seeing as the oprahites super thick upgraded fat armor absorbed all of the blows, but curtis used his fake sherriff pin to pop the lard sacks. Keannu proved to be more of a match for the raptors as the raptors attack patterns were useless, Keaunnu just flew in and dropped kicked the neares one killing it instantly. Only one raptor remained. Keannu decided to seal the deal as he re-inacted shakespeare's many plays. The sheer quality of the crappy acting caused the raptor's head to explode. Skeletor on the other hand had his hands full with keith richards.
"Give up, Richards! The Stones are done. Quit milking it!"
"If Johnny Depp can make me into a pirate, then I can do what I want, mate!" Skeletor dodged the charging rocker and watched as he hobbled over the cliff into the lava pit. "Seriously, it this all reserved for the almighty Skeletor?!" Just then, a battalion of Klingon warriors with Bat'lifs surrounded him. "Like I said, Kah Pla!"
Bludgeon made his presence known. "It's over, Mike. No more sidetrips, distractions, and non-sequiters. No more mindless, senseless, humorless battles. Just you, and me..." Bludgeon shed his Pretender shell and his true inner robot transformed into a tank, immediatley blasting everything in sight.

In the observation booth, Tim watched the chaos below. "Such small thinking. Merging the four Earths is child'splay, and I should know. What needs to be done - is utter destruction!" Tim pulled a lever and laughed maniacally.

Mike huddled with Curtis and Norris. "We needed the T-101 just about now."
Then, the ground shook beneath them. Bludgeon transformed back to see the floor giving way tot he lava. "TIM?!!? What are you doing?!"
"What needs to be done - the extermination of ALL LIFE!!!"
"That little dude needs a hug." Keanu said.
The ground gave away and they fell into a dark room. The room lit with glowing light to reveal a chamber about the size of a football stadium.
"Before I destroy the world, every villain you ever fought will face you here and wear you down, then I, with my bear hands will kill you." Tim said over a loud speaker.
"Whatever you throw at us we can take it." Mike yelled back. Although he knew inside they wouldn't last long without help.
Bludgeon walked his way toward Mike and the group. He resembled now what looked like a Metal Gear.
"This is my second out of fourth stage." Bludgeon said.
"No prob." Keannu said. "I fought that giant smith in the game they made about me. This should be a piece of cake."
Keannu flew at bludgeon, bludgeon swatting him to the ground like a fly.
"So..hanus...uggh" Keannu stammered as he stumbled as he got up.
Suddenly a figure lept onto the bludgeon gear.
"T-101!" Mike yelled! "but...how?"
"Your buddies Jay and Silent Bob reprogrammed me and sent me here to this time and place, those guys may look dumb as hell, but sure are something." the T101 said brashly.
"They must have given him a personality too!" Norris yelled. kicking his way through the remainder of the ginger kids.
Bludgeon tossed the machine off of him effortlessly.
"Oh and I brought friends with me." the t101 said as the power rangers a bunch of storm troopers, darth vader, and the monks with Liu Kand and Kung Lao appeared.
As Tim called forth every advesary he could imagine to attack the celebs, Bludgeon snuck away. "I will not let you destroy MY world, Tim!"
The walls around them all conformed and contorted as the building itself transformed into a space ship that was ascending through Earth's lower atmosphere towards space.
For every ginger kid Norris dispensed, two more would take its place. "This is going nowhere."
"Where's Bludgeon?" Bishop asked.
"Where's Mike?"

The door to the observation booth swung open and in charged Bludgeon, samurai sword in hand. "TIM!!?!?!"
"You can't stop it now, old friend. Within minutes, this flying fortress will emit a concentrated beam of disco fever and will tear the Earth apart at the seams!"
"We were supposed to merge the Earths, not destroy them! What will there be left to conquer?"
"Earth is below conquering. It must pay!"
Mike entered the booth to see Tim morphing into...Alf?!?!?
"Well don't that beat all." Mike said as Bludgeon turned towards him ready to fight.
"I'm so pissed right now! I'm going to kill you!!!" Bludgeon screamed as he lunged for Mike swinging his sword.
Mike, with reflexes he didn't think he had, darted out of the way and made his way behind bludgeon just as the sword burried itself into the ground. Mike kicked bludgeon sending the robot flying across the booth and into the wall.
"Didn't think you had that in you dumbass, keep going!" Tim laughed.
"Boy...you just made a big mistake." Bludgeon said from the rubbel as he got up and brushed himself off.
Bludgeon flew towards mike at near invisible speed and punched Mike in the chest sending him flying through the observation booth window and back into the space ship hurtling toward earth's atmosphere.
"Dam Mike! You ok!??" Keannu asked as Mike got up on shaky legs.
"I'll be fine." Mike said. Something was different about Mike though. His eyes glowed blue and his voice was much less whiney and stupid.
Bludgeon lept from the booth and landed in the ship's lobby causing the room to shake. Bludgeon ran towards Mike again...
As Bludgeon slid his hands around Mike's throat, Mike heard Kit Fisto's voice: "Use the Force, Mike."
Mike looked into Bludgeon's eyes. "Your fight is with Alf this time, Bludgeon, not me."
Curtis punched Kit Fisto in the arm. "That's not using the Force. That's common sense."
"Same thing."
Bludgeon snarled. "My fight is with both of you!"
"But which one of us will stop Alf if we're fighting now?"
Bludgeon paused. "**bleep** it."
As the ship entered orbit over Earth, it was boarded by green aliens with big, helmeted heads. "Ack ack, ack...ack ack!" It made a twirly motion with its finger.
Keanu smiled. "Isn't that the international sign for the donut?"
The alien zapped angel Keanu and watched him vanish.
"Heads up, people!" Norris commanded.
Bludgeon let go of Mike's neck. "Once he's defeated, we end this." With that, they both headed back to the observation booth as Norris and his crew prepared to take on the martians.
All of a sudden, a battlion of Klingons started hacking the martians with their Bat'lifs.
"I thought the Klingons were fighting us." Bishop asked.
"Not anymore." Skeletor said. "I just told them that the martians questioned their honor, and that Tim called them a race of homosapiens."
While one Klingon used a martian as a mace, several other martians were overpowering another. The martians kept coming, and the Klingons, more interested in honorable deaths, were dying too fast.
Norris held as many at bay as he could, but their number seemed to never diminish.

Bludgeon and Mike returned to the observation booth to see Alf hadn't left.
"You had a chance to escape! You remain?"
"I do not need to fear you, Bludgeon. I am immortal."
"We'll see." Bludgeon went to hack Alf in pieces when the little furball zapped him. A charge traveled across Bludgeon, short-circuiting his systems. "Stupid robot."
As Bludgeon hit the floor, Mike picked up Alf and went to through him off the observation tower. "It'll never work, Mike."

The martians' victory was nigh. Skeletor swung his Havoc Staff left, and right, and lef- he hit the T-101. The robot let out a screech that resembled an old cowboy song. The tone was annoying, but apparently fatal as well to the martians, whose heads exploded int heir helmets.
"What disgusting and rewarding effectiveness!" Skeletor said. he turned to the T-101. "I need that song."
A beam of jazzy color eminated from the ship's underbelly and shot down towards the Earth's surface.
* * * *
Zombie Heyzeus looked up to see the Quick Mart being attacked by a...disco beam. Dante and Randal were now dressed in leisure suits.
* * * *
Erika felt that if she could just convince Jasmine that lesbianism wasn't such a taboo anymore...
* * * *
"Attention Wal-Mart shoppers, there's a sale right now on our new spring belt buckles for as low as..."
* * * *
"This whole place is gonna blow!" yelled Bishop.
"Quick, to the docking bay. There's gotta be a way off this thing!" Norris said.
The group stepped over the martian corpses, desperatley looking for an escape plan...

"I...HAVE HAD...ENOUGH OF YOU!" Mike threw Alf out of the observation booth - just for him to re-appear behind him.
"I told you. You can't destroy me, Mike." Alf pointed out the porthole. "See that?"
The image of the Earth seemed to actually flicker, as if there was something else in its place. "All four Earths are being effected by my disco beam. In any given reality, earth will no longer exist!"

When they reached the docking bay, the group found a Klingon Bird of Prey docked. "Love them Klingons." They group departed onto the docking bay. The four earths in the backdrop of the scene.
"I'm going to destroy you somehow, someway!" Mike yelled as he lunged at Alf.
Alf just stood there as Mike went through him. Alf shot a bolt at Mike, Mike dodged and the bolt hit bludgeon, destroying him. The soul of Bludgeon appeared, but was immediately dragged to the depths of hell by Care Bears.
"Dam fuzzy bastards!" yelled Curtis as the group of Klingons and Monks and the Power rangers and the storm troopers all beat the crap out of the remaining martians.
"Alright, I'll give you one crack at me. I'll deactivate my deflector, this should be fun." Alf said menacingly.
Alf hit a switch. Before Alf could look up Mike was on him like Kevin Federline on Brittney. Mike pummeled Alf into a crater. Mike got up breathing heavily as did Alf, not a scratch on him.
"It's inevitable" Alf said as he and Mike squared off. The battle was epic. Even the Klingons stopped to watch. Indian burns, wedgies, martial arts, they were doing the most terrible things to each other. Finally the two flew at each other and collided, creating such a shockwave that it knocked everyone back a couple of feet.
Mike lay on the floor. He looked in bad shape. Alf still had no scratch on him. Mike still got up.
"Why do you even try Mike? There's no possible way on god's great universe you can beat me. Why do you fight? Is it to look cool? Is it to fulfill a primal need within you. Is it for peace, love, tranquility. Is it to fulfill a plot for a story a bunch of people on a message boar somewhere made to build up to a dramatic but awesome conclusion?
"I fight, because I choose too." Mike said.
"Hey that's my line!" Keannu said.
"Wrong freaking movie!" Bishop declared
Alf lunged at Mike and punched his gut. His hand going through Mike. Mike fell to the ground coughing up blood. Everyone stared in shock as Mike fell. They were in even more shock as the medallion around Mikes neck began to glow. It emitted a green light and all of a sudden appeared Dolomite, the afro american hero.
"Thanks for freeing my funkiness from Mike, I had been dwelling in his body for some time. I'll take care of this!" Dolomite crushed Alfs' head with a pimp slap.
"**bleep**" Curtis said.
"You know it!" Dolomite said as he re-materialized into light. The light beam went down to the four earths and seperated them into their own dimensions. Mike's body began to glow as Mike's soul floated away, a huge smile on his face.
"So that's it?" Fisto asked. "What the hell now eh?"
"NOW YOU GO BACK TO YOUR OWN UNIVERSES. THE POWER HELD OVER THE UNIVERSE HAS BEEN LIFTED AND ALL HAS BEEN SAVED THANKS TO MIKE'S SACRAFICE. AND KLONd**e BARS." A voice boomed.
"Who is that?" Kung Lao asked.
"I AM" the voice said.
"You are...what?" Keannu asked.
"I'M GOD YOU FREAKING MORON. JE.S.US, I GUESS YOU WEREN'T ACTING STUPID IN THOSE MOVIES."
"Ooooh." Keannu replied.
The enormous group looked at each other.
"FOR EACH OF YOU TO RETURN YOU MUST ALL JOIN HANDS!"
"How gay." bishop said.
"JUST DO IT!" God bellowed.
"Man, someone woke up on the wrong side of creation this morning." Curtis said.
The enourmous group joined hands. Everyone said their goodbyes and we'll meet agains.
"For Mike." St. Bishop said as the group vanished to their own universes.
* * * * * * * * *
"He's not ready yet, it's not his time." a voice said.
"Totally excellent, diddly diddly diddly doo! Goin' back to life!" another voice said.
"shut up Keannu...god!"
Mike woke in his bed.
"What in the hell, just a dream?" Mike mumbled as he got out of bed.
He reached under his pillow and froze. He felt something metal. It was a medallion, the medallion Li had given him.
"It wasn't a dream!" Mike said.
"SNOOTCH TO THE DOOTCH!!" a voice yelled as two people crashed through the window. Mike sat up to see Jay and Silent Bob standing over his bed. "Dude, you gotta come back with us."
"Where?"
"Back to the Future!"
Silent Bob slapped Jay. "Wrong movie."
Mike got out of bed and started pushing them towards his front door.
"Seriously, Mike, we got a hold of those Klingons' ship, and we're gonna start our own A-Team. Huh? Whatya think?"
Mike opened his front door, pushed them out, and said:
"I'm done."


THE END