#17 - Blade's Bad Luck / Christopher Walken: CEO

[whatbombsatmidnite]

Blade's Bad Luck

or

Christopher Walken: CEO of Umbrella



By LatinQueen, Cholera, snakelady, -Klass Klown-, Demoness-Shigroma, TheSquid, Thaw, Sparksunderscore, PallWall, countfrylock, Invida, TheKillerDynamo, SOCOMSoldier017, and WhatBombsAtMidnight

Jay leapt from one rooftop to another. With each leap, it was as if he was floating on air. "Being a vampire is sweet."

In pursuit, not too far behind him, was the Daywalker, the man known as Blade.

He did not realize that he was being followed by the Daywalker. to be honest he could care less. All he cared about was the freedom he felt at that very moment.

This freedom, along with the scent of salt in the air, reminded him of his homeland, of Sassari.

The sea spray, the street vendors, all consume his mind, as he runs for his life.

"Yo, lunch box! Were youse at, yo?! I need some help here!"

Just as Blade was about to catch up and strike Jay, Silent Bob came around from a smoke stack and hit Blade in the head with a lead pipe. In the Study.

Blade seemed confused for a moment then he turned around & grabbed Silent Bob by the throat. Silent Bob thought he was done for all of the sudden Blade throws him against the wall & resumes his chase of Jay.

Just as Jay was cornered, he pulled out a walkie talkie and spoke 'Maltz, joi chu!" And with that, both Jay and Silent Bob disappeared.

* * * *

Jay and Silent Bob materialized on board their Klingon Bird of Prey. "That was close, Silent Bob. Maybe being a vampire isn't all that great."

Silent Bob pulled a newspaper out of his trench coat and handed it to Jay. The headline read: UMBRELLA GENEICIST TO BE HONORED IN NEW JERSEY

When Jay read it he completely lost it. He wondered how it could happen how could they award this person since it was him that had done all the work. "Silent Bob we can't let this happen we have to stop it" Jay said. Silent Bob didn't know what to do. He thought Jay had lost his mind. So Jay and Silent Bob went to New Jersy and there they met Harold and Kumar.

Kumar was busy shaving his pubes when Jay and Silent Bob came to Harold and Kumar's place.

Harold wondered what Jay & Silent Bob were doing back in New Jersey. Especially since he knew that he would lead the Daywalker right to them.

***********************************

Blade was hot on the trail of the Klingon bird of prey. The tracking device he placed on the one called Silent Bob worked perfectly.

"Good thing I grabbed fatty back there on the roof" he thought.

As he motorcycled toward New Jersey on the turnpike, Blade saw three shambling figures.

"Vampires" he thought.

He leapt off of his bike and landed behind the three figures. The smell of death and smoke filled the air, as it always does in New Jersey, but something was different...something more resident.....and evil.

"You three stop right the-" Blade was cut off as one of the three turned around and was missing it's entire rib cage. Drool hung from its mouth as it shambled, arms outstretched, toward him. The other three followed.

"These aren't vampires, they're zombies. But how?" Blade didn't hesitate as he bust a cap in one of the creature's stomach, but it kept coming.

"That's how we gonna play huh?" Blade pulled out his sword and decapitated the three zombies with ease.

"What is going on here?" he thought. He suddenly felt a rumbling behind him. Something big. The earth behind him exploded sending him flying a few feet. What he saw both humored and horrified him. It was a giant mutant Rosie O'donnel fused with a Conan O Brian clone.

"sh1t" blade thought as he unloaded everything in his arsenal at the twelve foot tall abomination. Nothing made a dent. Just as the creature was about to strike a hissing sound rushed past blade and a flame ignited the creature blowing it into thousands of pieces.

Blade immediately turned to see four people decked out with weapons, one of them carrying a smoking rocket launcher.

"Who are you?" blade demanded.

"I'm Chris Redfield" the one with the smoking launcher said. "I'm Jill Valentine" the woman said. "White woman with a black woman's **bleep**!" Blade thought.

"I'm Leon Kennedy" a red haired kid said. "I'm Claire Redfield" another young woman exclaimed.

Blade noticed they all had combat fatigues saying S.T.A.R.S.

"I'm Blade, the vampire hunter. What unit you guys with?"

"We're with the Special Tactics And Rescue Squad." Chris said. "S.T.A.R.S....we heard something big is going on in Jersey and we're headed there to meet up with the rest of our team. What about you?"

"I'm hunting two blood su<kers in a spaceship."

****************************************************************

*******

"Yo lunchbox...why the hell is everyone lumbering around like they smoked a doobie snack?" Jay asked as he and Silent Bob dodged the zombified crowd and into a seven eleven.

"Fancy seeing you two losers again." Randall said as he and Dante had barricaded themselves in. "Played with Chuck Norris and any other of the copyright crew lately?"

"Yo, clerks, youse know where we can find a WhiteCastle?"

"Why the hell would you want that garbage?" Randal asked.

"Cuz those two dudes we talked to kept talkin’ bout it, now I got a slider craving."

"There isn't any WhiteCastle around here anymore." Dante said.

"Well, do youse know where we can get our hands on some military hardware?"

"What, a disappearing space ship isn't powerful enough?" Dante asked.

"Not since tubby here burnt out the lasers taking potshots at Charles Barkley."

"Well, that's not our problem" Dante said "Besides don't you two realize what's going on here? Everyone has turned into zombies." he said.

"Yo what the f**k are you talking about" Jay said as he said that they all heard an explosion.



Blade & the S.T.A.R.S team were taking out zombies left & right. "What am i doing here?" Blade asked himself. "I should be after those two *bleep bleep*." Then he realized that he couldn't just go after Jay & Silent Bob at least not with all of these zombies in his way. For once in his life he felt trapped by his decision.

* * * *
Dante and Randal began bickering to each other about the relationship between zombies and the symbolism of Star Wars.

Jay made a few obscene gestures at the two of them and pulled Silent Bob aside. "Lunch Box, I'm confused", "First I gots this big angry 'ole black man after me, then we come to New Jersey 'cause of some geneti...cast, or whatever, we want to get our hands on some military hardware, and now the whole place is packed with zombies and ain't none of 'em fine!"

Silent Bob considered this for a moment and pointed out the window toward a nude and bloody female lumbering aimlessly across the street. Jay nodded approvingly. "Hell yeah."

There was a loud, shuffling commotion somewhere inside the store. Dante and Randal paused their argument and looked at Jay and Silent Bob, who were opening random packages and snacking on pink coconut snow balls.

"Uhh, somebody should check on that", Randal said uneasily. "Could be a zombie, or a rabid squirrel."

"Don't look at me!" said Jay, "You work here."

Randal frowned and huffed a little before heading back towards the noise.

"Fine, you pansies stay here, but if I come back and I'm undead, you gotta hook me up with that naked chick out there."

Jay snorted and waved to him, "Yeah, right, I bet that dead girl even has enough brains not to bone you."

Randal found himself in a store room with four more people. Two of them seemed to be zombies, who were being beaten by a wiffle bat.

"Holy **bleep**, what's going on here?" Randal asked, and a red-haired man turned to him.

"We were hoping to get to the Winchester, but somehow we're in New Jersey"

"Yeaaah", his companion agreed.

"A little help, please?"

"You've got red on you," Dante pointed out to the red-headed brit with the fat friend.

"yeah I know." said the brit. His fat friend and him walked out of the store room.

The fat man walked over to silent bob and they appeared to have a silent conversation w/ each other.

"I’m Shaun and that fat fellow is my friend Ed"

"Where did you guys say you were from again...France?" Randall asked

Dante saw the brit and asked "You got any other weapons?"

"Just the Batman soundtrack on vinyl."

"That's it " Dante said.

"Well, I don't knew but I think we're gonna be in some deep*bleep* if we don't find more weapons" Randall said.

"Well, can't we just stay here? I mean, aren't we safe?" the brit asked.

"What have you been smokin cause let me tell you I think we are all going to die if we don't find a way outta here." dante said.

"I've got Clash of the Titans on VHS," quipped Randall, "we could use that as a weapon."

"I got an idea," Jay remarked triumphantly. "Yous all find some hot b!tches to blow me."

The group turned to him and gave a collective sigh. "Awright," said Ed. "I think we need to be findin' us a cup of tea, and then we 'ought to grab ourselves whatever weapons we can find and kick some zombie a_ss while we search for others who might know a thing or two."

"F_ck that tea," Randal huffed.

"I would like some tea..." Dante said in a small voice.

"Yous guys are a bunch of girl thingys!" Jay exclaimed. "C'mon Lunch Box, let's go find us something to blow up."

And that's when Jay passed out.

"What the hell?!"

Silent Bob tried to communicate the often forgotten fact that Jay had been turned into a vampire, and that his episode was probably from the thirst he hadn't quenched of late. No one understood him.

The glass windows of the 7-11 shattered and the zombies started to crawl in.

Thankfully, Randall had forgotten to turn off the coffee pot, again, and the coffee pot was now on fire. The fire appeared to be keeping the zombies at bay, albeit, temporarily.

Then Virgil and Beatrice helped Dante, Jay, and Silent Bob defeat the Zombies and they went into the Circle of Hell where there's the river of boiling blood and Hitler and Stalin now reside.

Blade cuts their heads off, a leaping creature hops behind him and...........Jay awoke from his slumber.

"yo dudes I just had a dream of us dyin or some sh1t. There was a devil and a blade..."

"Stop smokin' the pot and you won't have those dreams now c'mon!" Ed said as he and the others made their way into the supply closet.

"I need blood yo'!" Jay said.

Everyone looked at Dante.

"I'm not gonna give him any" Dante exlaimed.

"Here, give him some gatorade." Randall said.

"No that's our last...never mind go ahead! It's fine I guess." Dante said reluctantlly.

Jay drank three whole bottles and was halfway revived. Zombies banged on the supply room door.

"We gotta get outta' here!" Shaun said.

"There's a trap door that leads to the roof." Dante said. The group made their way up. Just as Beatrice was out the supply room door collapsed as zombies tried to reach up towards them, but to no avail.

The group looked out into the zombie filled streets.

"There must be thousands of them." Dante said.

"Hey at least it's a thousand zombies, remember at that Oakenfold concert we went to, it was worse....a thousand hippies. Fukers". Randall said.

Silent Bob looked across the buildings and stopped on one across the street with five people on it, one of whom he recognized immediately.

"What is it fatty?" Jay asked as he looked to where Silent Bob was pointing. "Oh sh1t it's the Black guy!!!" Jay said.

Across the street on the adjoining roof stood Blade and the STARS team.

"Hey that chick over there with the red hair is a hotty. I gotta hit that sh1t!" Jay said.

"You gotta' be fuking kidding me...Blade!!?" Randall said. "Just when I thought I was done seeing copyrighted characters in real life OTHER THAN STAR WARS!!""

"Man...I'm not even supposed to be here today!" Dante said as everyone looked across the roof.

"Man, I knew you were going to say that" Randall said in a sing-song voice and motioned to Dante.

"Hey, check this out."

The sound of Randall's fly unzipping could be heard just before the angry groan of a zombie resembling Rosie O'Donnell as urine trickled onto its face. "Heh heh heh, zombie b!tches", Randall said, amused with himself.

Dante grabbed Randall by the shoulders and turned him to face the rooftop across the street.

"Dudes, is that a rocket launcher Blade has pointed our way?" Jay asked...Blade made a gesture with his hand "get down!!" Randall and the others did so. With a loud pop and a hiss the rocket zoomed over them at incredible speed, they looked to where it was going and they were horrified. A giant creature resembling the zombie Randall urinated on was head their way, but not for long. The rocket hit and the shockwave sent zombies flying as the creature was obliterated.

"YEEEEAAHH BOOiiii!" Ed said to the others. "SWEET SHOT MAN!"

"Nice one" Chris Redfield said to Blade.

"No problem" Blade responded.

"So are we gonna go over there and get them or what?" Jill asked.

"There's too many zombies, we wouldn’t make it across." Leon said. "We need to think of a plan."

They were atop a hardware shop that no zombies had been able to get into.

"Maybe something is in this shop that we could use to somehow make our way over and get those guys. Then we could get to the source of this problem." Blade said.

"I also saw some jeeps parked across the street." Chris said. In the meantime let's go down to the shop and get something to hoist ourselves over to that roof with.

As they began their trek across the zombie littered byways of High-Way 45 and the abandoned cars they noticed that Claire wasn’t with them.

"Claire!" Chris called out. The group quickly retraced their steps and found Claire, walking in a square pattern between a couple of Hondas.

"What the heck?" Jill inquired.

"It's a glitch," Chris explained "She can only go four ways; left, right, up, down. Corners are a mofo for her to get around."

"Can't she just climb over it?" Blade was a little annoyed at the incompetence of his team mate.

"No, she can only climb stairs."

The group finally made their way to the jeeps below the 7-11. They used plates and tools they found to armor them.

"Well, looky here! It’s the mo fuka whos tryin' to kill me!" Jay said

"We've got other problems to deal with right now. I'll deal with you when this is all over." Blade said.

"Where are we headed? Winchesters?!" Ed asked

"No, we're headed towards Umbrella Corp in the city. We need to find a way to get to the outside and warn people." Claire said

They finished with the two jeeps.

"I'm driving" Randall said.

"Shotgun!" Jay called.

"Man, what the hell you guys? I wasn't ready!!" Dante said.

Zombies started to shuffle toward their postion.

"Let's get the hell outta here!!" Shaun yelled.

Silent Bob and Ed blasted zombies with handguns Leon had brought with him.

The group made their way on the interstate toward the city.

Blade wondered to himself what the hell a "glitch" was. He felt very strange...like everything seemed dream like almost.....

" **bleep** that you c*nts" Ed said while shooting the crap out a a one armed zombie

"I need a place where I can smoke, and thats the Winchester"

"Fine, youse guys seem to know what your talkin’ about, screw those Umbrella Corp sh1theads, they have to die sometime."

"I'll lead the way, but first we have to get my mum," said Shaun

" FucI< your mom!" said Blade

"I will!" Jay said hornily

"Lets just get going!" said all of the S.T.A.R team together...

[whatbombsatmidnite]

[part 2]

* * * *

The Umbrella Corporation was better defended than FortKnox. A direct approach would spell certain doom for any party attempting it. Luckily, the S.T.A.R.S. team knew of several back ways into the compound. One of which was an underground tunnel. The closest access point was located in a hair salon.

"Where can I park?" Chris asked.

"There's parking in the back." Dante answered.

"How do you know?" Randal asked.

Everyone piled out and took in the landscape. There weren't any zombies near Umbrella. It was as if it were TOO evil for them. Or a coincidence.

Leon led the way into the hair salon and its back room, where the entrance for the underground lay ahead. When he opened the door, Jay tripped over his pants, and then he almost fell flat on his face. If it hadn't been for Silent Bob & the fact he was a vampire he could've broken something. "Way to go lunch box." Jay said. "Now, let's get the hell outta here be fore anything else goes wrong.”

Just Then WWE superstar the Undertaker appeared in front of Jay and Silent Bob.

Jay fell backwards trying to look up at him.

Blade got up in his grill, saying "When the f_ck are we going down into this Umbrella sh!t? I Have Come To Slay The Vampire! Said Blade

Jay opened a pizza box (Pepperoni and mushroom pizza with extra garlic)And Said

"I can't eat this, yo."

Alarmed, Blade spread out his arms to cover the Undertaker. "Where'd that pizza come from?!"

The Undertaker picked up Blade and threw him through the hair salon's front window. As the Daywalker got to his feet, he shouted "Get going! I'll handle this guy."

The STARS and the Clerks ran down into the tunnel as Blade squared off with The Undertaker.

"Who are you?" Blade asked.

The Undertaker said nothing, but his glowering was enough of a response. Blade swung his sword, but the Undertaker dodged it. "Is Umbrella behind all this?! " The Undertaker answered with a punch to Blade's head.

As they went down the stairs, Jay could not resist the smell of the garlic pizza and was about to eat it until Silent Bob smacked him and then Jay said "Oh yeah, Garlic'll kill me right now. Thanks, SIlent Bob." Silent Bob smiled and gave him a thumbs up, and when Jay turned his back to him, Silent Bob rolled his eyes.

Blade sliced the Undertaker's arm, but it did not phase him. "Who are you?!"

"Your worst nightmare!" said the Undertaker as he preformed a tombstone piledriver on Blade. He had begun his advance on Blade, who stood in the middle of the road, when a semi-truck that appeared to have no driver sped into him and carried The Undertaker away. Blade shrugged to himself and started down the tunnel into the Umbrella Corporation after the others.

Jay For Some Reason was busy boxing with a kangaroo

The kangaroo escaped from the zoo earlier. And Sylvester Jr. saw this **bleep** going down and he puts a paper bag on his head. Sylvester comes by and snatches the paper bag off of Sylvester Jr.'s head and he Tag-teams with Jay to box the kangaroo, but Jay falls into a pile of **bleep** and Sylvester's back is right by a painted flagpole which the paint was wet and Sylvester now has a white stripe on his back. Just then, Pepe le Pew starts making love with Sylvester and Sylvester Jr. puts a paper bag on his head again.

Jay comes to in a tunnel, being shaken by Silent Bob. Shaun's left leg was firmly gripped between Jay's teeth. Silent Bob inched Shaun's leg out of Jay's mouth and stared at him blankly. Jay spit and wiped his tongue with his hand.

"Lunch Box, yo...I am trippin' hard, havin' hallucinations an' sh!t, I need blood, yo!"

"I'm not eating this British f_uck, he tastes like buttnuggets" he added.

"Thank you" Shaun said, rather relieved.

Blade stepped towards the three of them. "Whose idea was it to come down here, anyway?"

The group looked back and forth at each other.

Then suddenly, a Ninja came and killed Blade

"He's been trying to take black away from Ninjas for years," he said, and then he was gone

"Wtf? That guy may have been tryin to kill me, but we was the **bleep**!"

"There’s no time to dwell on the dead," said Shaun

"Look at that!" said Ed when out of the darkness came....

The BoogeyMan! WWE Spookstar

Then all of a sudden blade got up like nothing happened

“Heh, good thing I was wearing a good steel vest.” said Blade

“I am The Boogeyman And I am Coming To Getcha!” said the Boogeyman as he spits out a mouthful of worms that land near Jay’s feet.

But then, Blade dropped dead, because the Ninja had also used the Five-Point Exploding Heart Technique on him, and after he took five steps his heart exploded. Too bad, for Blade was the man.

“Crap, and I wanted a vampire sidekick.” said Jay as he went to take a bite out of the garlic pizza until the Boogeyman took it away and smashed some worms in his face.

Blade's soul reached god. God said....’n1gga! You aint' done yet! Go back down there d4mnit!’

Blade awoke and attacked the ninja.

Then Jay tried to get a Coke out of the soda machine and it said get your own @sshole! Then Jay decided to eat some cyanide, so he did and died soon after.

Christopher Walken then flew down on a jetpack.

Of course, being a vampire, Jay was practicaly immortal so he was still alive.

Christopher Walken then said ‘I want some chicken!’

Christopher Walken then shoved a wooden stake into Jay's heart.

Jay turned to dust and was forever dead.

"Pwned," said Walken.

But it was just a bad dream Jay got as a side effect from eating the garlic pizza even though he's vampire.

‘Whoah, that was one funky @ss dream.’ said Jay as he drank some skunks milk

Silent Bob then started dancing to the funky chicken.

Christopher Walken then woke up, realizing that that was a dream and Jay's dust was laying on the floor.

There were no more dreams.

Jay was dead forever.

"Pwned," said Walken.

Chris Redfield woke up to find the group staring at him.

"I had the most fe'd up dream." he started to say

"You idiot, we're almost at the source of this Umbrella zombie problem and you're sleeping! Douche." Randall replied.

"We just gotta go up some floors to get to the main office." Jill said.

Suddenly, a rumbling of footsteps shook the lobby area of the building.

"STTTTAAAAAAAARSSSSS!" something roared. Everyone looked down the hallway and saw what appeared to be a giant man walking toward them...it was none other than....

The Jolly Green Incredible Zombie Hulk Leon S. Kennedy Was Busy Trying To Land A Date With Jill Valentine When the monsterous beast attacked.

Leon acted fast and shot at it with his magnum.

The bullets just bounced off the Hulk's tremendous frame as Leon jumped out of the way.

"We don't have anything that's going to stop that!" Leon cried.

"I can" said a voice. It was Randall.

"No offense...but what the hell can you do?" Dante asked.

"Just watch" Randall replied. "Hey, She hulk!"

The Zombie hulk turned in a rage.

"Yeah, that's right. I'm talking to you, you green, tiny thingyed, **bleep** mother fuker!"

"RANDALL!" Dante said in disgust. "You can't say porchmonkey!"

"Why not? That's what my grandma used to call me." Randall replied. "Oh sh1t!"

The hulk was bearing down on Randall fast.

Randall saw a pit in the middle of the floor and had an idea. Randall hauled @ss toward the pit and stood at the edge. Just as the hulk was about to tackle him, Randall jumped over the edge. The Hulk carrened down into the darkness roaring. A loud thud followed by an explosion was the only thing anyone heard from the Hulk again....for now.

"RANDALL!!" Dante yelled as he ran toward the pit as did the rest of the group.

"Help me out of here or so help me god you WILL be livin' in a haunted house tonight!" Randall replied as he hung from the edge of the pit.

Blade ran down and helped Randall out.

"That was a bold but stupid move kid." Blade said.

"Yeah, but I saw it in Raiders of the Lost Ark so I figured it work" Randall replied.

"No, not that. Sayin porchmonkey motha' fuka!" Blade replied as he kicked Randall in the go **bleep**.

"I'm taking the word back, you tard!" Randall said as he rolled on the floor.

"He's more of a man than you Leon, sorry" Jill said.

"FINE WITH ME B!TCH..I'M GAY ANYWAY!" Leon yelled.

"I fukin knew it, Lunchbox, told you that dude loved the **bleep**." Jay said.

"Time to head up to the second floor" Chris said as the group made their way to the stair well.

Just then, Christopher Walken opened fire on a group of communists with his handy pocket chain gun.

Out from the smoke and bodies that lay on the ground, Bill Cosby emerged in a Rambo outfit. "Imma ready for some action, what with some guns and the bullets" And from his pocket pulled out a pokeball....

Blade's vision flashed in and out on Christopher Walken and the group in the stairwell.

"What the hell is going on?" Blade thought.

"SYSTEM FAILURE" popped in Blades vision in green letters...then whiteness.

In the whiteness stood another black man in spectacle shades and a leather trenchcoat.

"Hello Blade, we've been following you and your group this whole time." said the man.

"Who the hell are you!?" Blade said taking a fighting stance.

"Relax, Blade, I am no enemy. My name is Morpheus, and I have some information that will change you and your groups' world."

*****************************************************************


Christopher Walken sat in his chair watching the people on his many computer monitors.

"All is going according to plan...except for Blade." he thought.

Blade was in the stairwell not moving while the rest of the group stood around him trying to wake him up.

"This is not good." Walken thought. "They'll ruin everything. If you want something done right you gotta' do it yourself." he said as he hoisted his chain gun and boot knife as he headed to where the group was.

Walken then mauled them with bullets and a repeating stake cannon.

As they all layed on the floor, bloody as hell, Bill Cosby jumped through a window.

"POKAYMON!"

"As you can see, these are what your main enemy has in store for you. Christopher Walken is a most dangerous advesary" Morpheus said as he turned off the tv

He and Blade were still in the whiteness.

"So according to you and this whole 'Matrix' thing, I and everyone else are asleep in pods in the 'real world'?" Blade asked.

"Yes, but that's for another time. Right now you must convince your team to see the truth, and only then can they unlock their full potential."

"Whateva' n1gga'." Blade said. "I'll do what I can"

A portal opened to where the rest of the group in the stairwell was. Blade walked through and he awoke to find the group around him.

"Man, you were out worse than Silent Bob was after smokin' that fatty on the Jamaican day parade bus!" Jay said.

Blade told them what had happened. He was still a bit weary about what Morpheus told him and so was everyone else. " Yo dude that is some sick s**t you just told us man" Jay said. "How do you think I felt when I heard all that bulls***" blade said. "All I know is that we have to find away to make everything right again. The problem is I don't know how" Blade said.................................

That's when Christopher Walken flew in, yes, flew in, and grabbed Jay. "I've been looking, quite awhile I should say, for you. This is all your fault, burn boy."

"That's what I've been saying for years!" Randal shouted.

"I commend you all for your brave trek here, to Umbrella. But I've spent alot of time and blood into this company, and I won't let you all ruin it. If it's not you, it's another set of interlopers. If you ever want to see your friend here, alive, then I suggest you leave...NOW!"

Blade looked at the STARS and the clerks. Their faces all said the same thing.

"We ain't going nowheres, Max Shrek!" Randal yelled.

All of the sudden blade took his sword and swung for Walken's head. christopher threw Jay to the ground and went after Blade.

Meanwhile while the group was hiding in a big warehouse Leon was trying to do what he was doing before land a date with Jill Valentine

“So Jill, Wanna go Somewhere After all this, just you and me?” said Leon.

"Are you crazy, Leon?! How in the hell can you think of something like that when we all might die!!!" said Jill.

"Well, face it, Jill. He isn't the sharpest knife in the drawer." Randal said.

"Look you @$$ holes we gotta keep movin if we want to get outta here. Walken is on our **bleep** with those F*****g zombies and all you dumb f***s can think about is going out on a date. y'all need to keep your s**t in check and keep movin you hear me!!" blade said angerily. Then out of nowhere Walken blindsided him with a punch knocking him five feet to the ground

"D4mn blade! You better reciprocate!" Jay said.

Blade got up. Suddenly he remembered everything Morpheus had said about the Matrix, about Neo.

"If that pasty faced kid can do it, so can I" Blade thought.

Blade got up.

"So you’re coming back for more? Well, I must warn you. I...am trained." Walken said in his vocal jargon all the while clenching his fist.

Zombies started to pour in through the stairwell onto the first floor.

"You all leave...I'll take care of this.." Blade said to the others. "Randall, you’re in charge for now."

"Sweet!" Randall said.

"Why does he have to be in charge!?" Dante asked.

"Shut up fatty and let's go!" Randall said as the group headed up to the elevator toward the top floor.

Zombies started to surround Walken and Blade as if they were watching.

"Let's do this blade." said Walken...but it wasn't his voice.

"Wait....it can't be...FROST!" Blade yelled

"That's right, I used this retard as cover, now I'll be the true blood god." Frost said.

Blade ran at Walken, sword being unsheathed.

Just then, Blade caught parvo and died on the spot.

"I will not be cheated of my victory. I refuse to see my enemy die in a weak, unjust, and non-sequiter way!"

Frost-Walken used his semi-blood god powers and resurrected Blade. "Now, let us battle like warriors."

Blade couldn't believe that it was frost but then again it didn't matter. He had to fight no matter what. frost came at blade with his sword barely grazing blade on the cheek." that is the last time you'll come close to touching me frost" blade said " we'll see about that blade. the only one standing in the way of me reaching my goal is you and to be quiet honest yoy are not the same blade of old. You have changed for the worst. I could kill you with out even putting any thought to it." frost said. that really pissed blade off. he took his sword and started swinging it at frost. Frost of course was dodging his sword at every turn. " you have become weak blade." frost said." the only weak one here is you frost." blade said. after he said that he swung his sword one last time..................................

Before they could bout, Blade focused his mind and leapt into Frost-Walken, making him explode from the inside. Blade looked down at the face of Walken.

"Pwned."

* * * *

As Randal's group reached the roof, they found a helicopter. "Anyone know how to fly one of these?"

"I do." said Chris as he leapt in and warmed her up. Then a legion of zombies reached the helipad.

"Let's go!"

"Yo, maybe there's a cure for my vampirism down there!"

"We gotta go or we'll all be zombies."

Jay thought about it for a moment. "Ok, zombies don't get known, but Gary Oldman did. Let's go."

The copter lifted off and left as the Umbrella Corporation site was littered with zombies.

* * * *

The STARS hung out in the 7-11 as Silent Bob tried consoling Jay about still being a vampire.

"Whatdya think happened to Blade?"

"A bad mo fo like that? He'll be back. They always are."

Chris went to the cooler. "What happened to all the Gatoraide?"

* * * *

Blade walked the streets of RaccoonCity - a survivor.



THE END