#19 - Birth of a Samurai / Say No to Period Pieces

[whatbombsatmidnite]

Birth of a Samurai

or

Just Say No To Period Pieces

By PallWall, Disciple Genocide, TheAltsAlternateAlt, skyllama13, luceno5, wet fire monkew28, countfrylock, LatinQueen, Runescapian, TheKillerDynamo, SOCOMSoldier017, and WhatBombsAtMidnight

JAPAN

1669

Winter was at Tokyo's door, and Simon, Knight of Pittsville, had just completed his journey. He had trekked across the world to learn the art of the Samurai, but he was gaijin, an outsider and disregarded. He had spent several months in Japan, learning the customs and the language. He sought acceptance and opportunity. It finally came one day when He went into a Time-base thingy and It's 300 years later. 1969, Altamont where Mick Jagger was singing 'Sympathy for the Devil'. Simon was wondering why he was here. Just then a fight from the Hells Angels broke. 'This is the best time to show my Samuri moves'!...with great determination and skill he unsheathed his katana prepared to spill blood in the name of a feudal lord long dead. Soon an opening in the crowed allowed hem to make an attack he sprinted forward and joined the tundra yetis hired to bounce the show as they began pummeling the rioting crowd. Thinking his help would be a welcome assistance to them, he was completely taken by surprise when one of them started charging him. Despite all of his training, he froze and it was then that its face came into focus. Could this really be the Yeti from all those years ago, from the bar fight, to whom he had delivered that pizza? He backed off, but the fighting continued. He chose to try again to dispense the carnage. Not one of the Hell's Angels matched Simon's skill and not one of them posed a threat. Within moments, they all laid dead at his feet. The Yetis turned to him and stopped.

A slow clapping began in the back of the bar. "Impressive, Simon."

"Who are you? What happened? What is this strange place?"

"This is a glimpse of the future, warrior. You have a great destiny ahead of you Simon."

"Who are you?"

"That you will know later. For now, it is time for you to master your art." With that, the man produced 2 sai and engaged Simon in a duel - which Simon lost very quickly. He was not prepared for his opponent's agility. The man looked down at Simon. "Until we meet again."

With that he snapped his fingers.

* * * *

Simon awoke in his hut, back in 1669 Japan. There was someone coming up the hill outside. He unsheathed his blade to see it was just JinJin, his friend the farmer. He was relieved to see hi friend and familiar surroundings again , but the yetis message stayed fresh in his mind. Simon called to his friend the farmer to tell him of his peculiar trek through time, but just as the words left his lips Simon saw an Oni crouched on his friend's back riding him like a horse.

"I have your friend trapped and under my posession! What are you gonna do now---" The oni's banter was cut short as Simon almost materialized behind the Oni and Jin. The oni turned around to face Simon. Suddenly the oni's vision split in two as it was sliced into two halves.

"Jin, are you ok!?" Simon asked.

"Yeah thanks, we have an emergency in the village. We need your help!"

"Tell me on the way" Simon said. They ran in the direction of the village at full speed. Jin said "There is a Great evil attacking the village and none but you can stop it. All of the warriors in the village have fallen to demons and I alone have escaped to tell you". Just then Simon remembered his friend didn’t arrive on his own accord but was driven there by an oni.

* * * *

Meanwhile in the year 1772 some American soldiers were talking about something when all of a sudden came a horde of yetis out of a time portal. As they slayed the soldiers, one lone infantryman held his own against the monsters, using his bayonet to spear his attackers. They backed off, and the soldier heard a slow clap.

"Impressive. Most impressive."

* * * *

Simon arrived at the village to see oni burning and smashing the fishing village. "Kappa!" he shouted. They stopped and fixed their eyes on him. They snarled and inched their way towards him.

Master Studi had fallen in battle, but was not yet dead. He lay, beaten, and watched as Simon took on the oni by himself.

The oni knocked Simon to the ground sending his sword flying a few feet out of reach. Right as the oni was about to pounce a loud clap rang out, then another, and another. Blood blossomed out of the oni as it crashed to the ground and skidded toward Simon...dead.

"Looks like you guys could use some help." said a voice.

Simon looked. "The man from the dream." He also saw someone else who looked like a soldier. He wore a grey jacket with insignias on the sleeves and he carried a stick which emitted a flame and smoke.

"He shot the thing with that rifle." Simon thought. That was a new weapon which he had only heard of and it was deadly.

"Who are you?" asked Simon

"My name is Nathan." said the soldier.

"I am Robert, and your two paths have crossed for a reason, follow me and I'll explain everything."

Simon for some reason felt he could trust Robert and the three of them walked into a portal of light. As they walked through the portal, Simon could not believe what he was seeing. Then he remembered his dream & how real it felt. It was as if he felt his blade go through the ones that were called hell's angels. "What are you thinking, Simon" Robert asked. "Was that dream I had with the ones called hell's angels real?.

"It was somewhat real, it was a test program to see your skill in battle. I got the program from a person called Morpheus."

"Program? Morpheus? What are you talking about?" Simon asked.

"Yeah I'd like to know as well." Nathan said.

"Alright. The years you both live in are 1700's when it's actually closer to 2700. This reality isn't actually real, the Matrix has you...both of you."

"Matrix?" Simon and Nathan asked in Unison.

Robert told them everything, about the Matrix, the different earths, himself and his adventures throughout those worlds. The celebrities, Cosby, and the rebooting and end of the machine wars.

"Why should I believe you?" Simon asked

"Yeah, how do we know this isn't all a farce with tricks with mirrors and smoke?" Nathan asked.

"Trust me, take the two of you take these red pills and you'll see how real it can be."

With a shrug, Nathan and Simon took the pills. A blinding light with green words followed. Then blackness followed.

*****************************************************************


Simon awoke back in the village. A voice echoed in his mind. "Although you may not be this world's guardian, you are its warrior. Both you and Nathan. Remember what you saw and be ready."

Master Studi approached Simon. "You are the gaijin I heard of, yes? You handled yourself well in battle. I offer to teach you in the ways of the samurai."

"I accept."

The winter months trudged by, and Simon spent every waking moment honing his skills and re-teaching his body. Once a knight, Simon was being bred anew as a Samurai.

* * * *

Nathan however felt a bit lonely. He didn't know what to think about what Morpheus told him. "I see that you are still having trouble accepting the truth Nathan", Morpheus said. "Believe it or not I was once were you were. I was told what I just told you & I had a hard time believing it as well." Morpheus said. "Well, you weren't ripped from a whole other time to be brought to the future now were you" Nathan said a bit angrily. Nathan had seen both his brothers die in war and wasn't sure if he wanted to join them or avenge them. To be told it was all for nothing was something of an earth-shatterer for him. He made his way back to his tent to think about this.

* * * *

JAPAN

1670

Simon and Master Studi were returning from their trip to the docks at Okinawa when they were ambushed by GRACE JONES! *

Simon unsheathed his sword and joined the battle. Grace Jones was attacking every samurai in sight. She was near rabid. "Fellow warriors," Simon shouted "We must work together and cast her into the volcano!"

"Do you find me sexy?" she screamed as she ripped one warrior in half and bit another's head off. Suddenly, she fell to the ground as a boulder smashed into her.

"Good work, my brothers. Quickly, we must bind her and trap her at the base of the volcano!"*[ These are the events eluded to during Simon's flashback story in Tales From [adultswim.com] #13: Enter Skitza]

Hours later, Simon sat with his master. "I must leave, sensei."

"I know. I have spoken to Hirohomi HondaSuzukihyundai, and he has told me of the day he found you. A survivor of the sea."

"Sensei, I have lived for 400 years, yet I have not aged a day. I seek answers as to who and what I am."

"You must travel to the top of the WeezyMountains. There you will find your answers."

"Thank you, sensei. I will not forget you."

* * * *

Nathan had traveled to Boston to seek a relative when he was attacked by Several Men wearing what seemed to be hides of Metal.

"We have come for you, Nathan, you are the answer to the future."

"What about the sensei, his wisdom exceeds what you ask of me."

"You will come!" said the green one with the orange mirror concealing his face

That was when they locked in a feirce battle, Nathan the victor even with the Metal-hdes advanced firearms, skill still exceeds technology. His relative was in shock after he told him what happened.

"That is utter hogwashery my boy!" said an angry Paul Revere (Not the Paul Revere

just Nathans Uncle who was a fisherman in the late 1700's)

"But Uncle!" said an angered Nathan

Those words would be his last to his wise uncle when Nathan’s Uncle had a brain aneurysm, he had learned what should not be told and payed the price.

**************************************************

As Simon climbed Mt Weezy he encountered many a strange looking foe. First he fought a series of what appeared to be mimes. Then he fought Men made of metal with red eyes. The most recent men he fought were the toughest. They wore business suits with glasses and they wielded smaller firearms. He was able to use his sword to deflect his bullets back at them but they moved faster than anything he had ever seen. He finally pushed them off the edge of the mountain. Now beaten and bruised he finally reached the top. What he saw amazed and confused him. There were machines everywhere, phones, a chair, and people he had never seen except for Morpheus.

"Hello friend, you have been through alot. It is finally time to visit the real world."

**********************************************************

"What in the hell" Nathan thought as he was taken by the weird looking men in armor.

They finally took him to a room which housed the most unusual looking tools.

A desk with a bunch of machines, a phone, and a chair. And people he had never seen before.

"Who are you guys?" Nathan asked

One indian looking fellow answered.

"My names Apoc, I'm a friend of Morpheus, I think he mentioned me when he broke the news to you and Simon."

"Oh yeah, well what are you guys doing?" asked Nathan

"We're going to the real world." Apoc answered

"Hold on to your hat Dorthy, cause' Kansas is going bye bye." said one of the people.

*****************************************************************


Stark looked over the barren waste land of slow earth. The atmosphere generators the machines had helped him build were working wonderfully pumping oxygen and warmth to the planet. The war was over, but slow earth was in peril. The Cosby/architect program in the Matrix was gone, but his body was gone when the search teams went for it.

"No telling what he's up to" Stark thought. Some of his teams have disappeared and have not been retrieved. He was anxiously awaiting beside Nathan and Simon's pods for them to wake up as was the rest of Morpheus's crew.

"They're almost awake." Robert said.

"In due time." Stark answered.

"I don't know if I'm ready to go into the real world" Nathan said. "We realize that this is the only world you know Nathan but you & Simon are needed" Apoc said.

Nathan ponder this for a moment & said" but why are we needed? I still don't understand everything that's going on yet. I need to speak to someone who can actually tell me why we are needed."

"Look Nathan, you will have all the answers you seek but you must be patient, okay?" Apoc said. Yet Nathan still felt uneasy about this whole thing. He was not sure he could take on the responsibility of saving the world. "Don't you worry kid everything will be fine." Apoc said.

As Nathan sat down in the chair he felt very wierd. He looked out the window and around the room. Everything started to get wavy, like a dream.

"He's almost out!" Apoc shouted.

Nathan went limp.

*****************************************************************


Nathan felt like he had been in a groggy sleep. There were tubes attached to him and he was in a tub with pink goo in it. He came out of the tube and pulled out another tube from his mouth. He didn't know where he was, he looked around in awe and saw thousands, millions of other pink tubes.

Suddenly a giant flying box appeared in front of him. A door with a light opened and all the tubes from his body came out with a pop and a hiss. He went limp again as someone from the light pulled him in...it was warm. He fell on the floor as he looked around in a haze.

"Welcome home.." said a voice, it was Apoc. Nathan passed out.

*****************************************************************


Simon sat at his chair. There was snow everywhere but it wasn't cold...something was up.

Simon felt funny, like he was awaking from one of his dreams. He looked around at some trees, the snow on the ground, suddenly the snow started to creep up the chair and engulf it.

"Have you ever had dream you thought was so real, yet you couldn't wake up from?" Morpheus asked.

The snow engulfed Simon.

"We found him!" someone yelled. Simon went limp

****************************************************************

"When Simon's eyes opened he was in a pink tube with tubes sticking out of his arms. He sat up and gagged at the thing in his mouth, another tube. He looked around and saw others like him.

"It was all true..." Simon thought.

A giant flying object appeared in front of him, a door from it opened revealing light. Simon was dragged through as he flopped on the floor.

"Welcome to the world of the real." Morpheus said. Simon saw Nathan lying on a cot sleeping.

"Not a bad idea" Simon thought as he fell asleep as well.

*****************************************************************


"Do you honestly think that they are ready for this Morpheus?" Apoc asked.

"They both have the skills we need to finally end the problems with the matrix. Besides Stark will help us train them. There is no need to worry, Apoc. Both Stark & I know what to do." Morpheus said.

*****************************************************************

[whatbombsatmidnite]

[part 2]

*****************************************************************


"Stark, I just got word from Morpheus that Nathan & Simon are here in the real world." Robert said.

"Great now we can actually start preparing for the battle ahead. Besides I'm sure this alliance with Walken won't last. I know he has something up his sleeve." Stark said.

"I thought that we were all fighting for the same cause?" Robert asked.

"Walken has his on agenda & is not to be trusted. In the end he will betray us that you can count on Robert." Stark said.

* * * *

Simon and Nathan sat in their quarters, both their bodies weak, bruised, and scarred.

"I don't understand any of this, and to be quite honest, I think it's poppythingy." Nathan said. "So what happened to my brothers when they died? Were they just flushed out into that chaos?"

"I am not sure. But we must work together."

"Keep to yourself, negro. I need none of your help."

Simon understood. Nathan was from a time where change was not considered anything else but devastating. Not only that, but his loss had made him unsure, volatile, if not edgy. This man could easily snap.

* * * *

"So there are Matrix sublets?"

"Yes. They were experimenting with different time periods to see which would bring less resistance to the programming. Most of our aid has come from the year 2006 sublet."

"By the way, lemme tell ya, a lot of oddballs from that era." Apoc added. "They like their fish grilled with lemon."

Everyone just stared at Apoc.

"Simon, we think the reason you lived so long is that your mind could already sense something off with your reality. When you got lost at sea, you somehow transmitted your conscience into another sublet, the 1669 era. It is because of this that we need to figure out how you do it, and then send you back."

"Very well."

Nathan kept silent.

As the days went on, Morpheus and Apoc working with Simon in various training simulators trying to determine Simon's 'time traveling', Nathan was left on the sidelines, himself beginning to believe that his 'great involvement' to be nothing more than a line.

He wandered the hovership, the landscape outside nothing to be stimulated by. But its desolate imagery did speak to his splintered soul. If I'm so important, why can't I find my brothers? He thought.

You are more important than you know.

"Who said that?"

A friend.

"Where are you?"

Around.

"Where can I find you?"

You'll need to leave the ship...

* * * *

Tony Stark and Robert took a minute to play a game of chess on Stark's hovership.

"So, how's it feel to be out of the Matrix?" Stark asked, moving a pawn.

"Considering you've never been in it, Lucky Earth ba$tard, it's hard to describe."

"Jay and Bob coulda used your help."

"I know. Listen, this guardianship thing's all new to me."

"Me too." Stark watched as Robert concentrated, "So, what made you think to unhook Simon? Couldn't you be messing with the timestream if he doesn't enter your sublet to train you?"

"No, we're sending him back soon." Robert said as he moved his rook.

"What made you pull Nathan out?"

"Morpheus mentioned it. Said Simon had encountered someone else that knew of the Matrix."

Stark paused. "Didn't you visit him in the 1700's?"

"No. Why?"

Stark ran out of the room.

* * * *

Nathan walked around the desolate wasteland following the same voice. Along the way he saw others awakening. He also saw what Morpheus called machines, roaming the wasteland for the dead who were being buried, and assisting the living people coming out of the pods. He also saw what appeared to be animal like creatures with white fur who were at least nine to ten feet tall. He thought he heard one of them called yetis. They too were helping out.

"Walk a little further, yes...that's it. I have found your brothers." said the voice

Nathan ran into what appeared to be a broken down building. He entered an old bombed out lobby. His eyes filled with tears as he saw his two brothers standing there.

"Joe! Jack!" Nathan said as he ran to give them a hug. He grasped them but something felt different about them...cold. Nathan looked into their eyes and realized that they were half machine and half human.

Nathan backed away in horror.

"Do not be afraid." said a voice behind him.

Nathan turned to face a man with hair and an intense look about him.

“Who are you? What did you do to my brothers!?" Nathan screamed

"I am Christopher Walken. I found your two brothers alive and out of the matrix…however they were badly wounded from a battle within it, so I helped rebuild them with machine parts. They are still your brothers...only better. Sit down and I'll explain ALL you need to know. So will my friend..."

"Bippity bippity!" said a voice above Walken.

Down the stairs of the lobby descended a giant machine with a screen built in. The top of the machine was a head of a human, a black man.

"The Cosby is back with the plan, and the action and the banana puddin'...doooooh!"

Stark and Robert met Morpheus, Simon, and Apoc on board their hovership as they finished another training session. "We got a problem, Morpheus. Robert never sought out Nathan. I think Nathan and Simon were being baited."

"Simon, we assumed due to your experiences in ObtuseValley, us appearing to you was no great surprise." Morpheus said. "You said Robert pulled you into 1969 to fight yetis and hells angels, right?"

"Yes, and then he brought Nathan and I together to explain it was the year 2070."

"I never did that, Simon."

"Where's Nathan?" Stark asked.

* * * *

"So what happened to this Skitza?" Nathan asked Walken after he finished his version of the story.

"His soul was sent to hell after Death escaped and helped Norris stop Skitza's ascension into guardianship."

"Dipped in the pudding for eternity." Cosby added.

"So, I'm to go back into the Matrix and tell the angel Skitza to prepare for this defeat and prevent his death at the hands of the Evil Chuck Norris demon?"

"Exactly."

"And then my brothers and I will be able to restore peace by destroying these terrorists."

"Come with me, son, bippity dee doot doot, and I'll get you plugged back into the Matrix."

* * * *

That night, Simon awoke in a sweat and hurried to Morpheus. Morpheus was playing Twister with Apoc and the vacuum cleaner. "I know where Nathan went. He's been re-inserted into the Matrix, and I have to go after him."

"Makes sense to me." Apoc said.

* * * *

Simon was dressed in armor and bicycle shorts, all the crew could spare. He grabbed his katana and sat down in the pod.

"Couldn't he just hack in and come out when he's done?" Apoc asked.

"No one knows how long he's gotta stay in. He still needs to train Robert and attend the Wizard's Alliance before he can be finished."

"If something happens to the ship and I die before then, the timestream could collapse." Simon said. "This way, I have time."

"Okay. Godspeed, brother."

With that, Apoc handed Simon a teddy bear to hug as he was jacked back into the Matrix and sealed in a pod on a human tree in the fields.

* * * *

[whatbombsatmidnite]

[part 3]

BERLIN

1909

Simon awoke to find himself in a town he did not recognize. It was leaps and bounds advanced compared to Tokyo, but not as much as the bar in 1969. He could only assume he entered the Matrix at the turn of the 20th century. Judging by the accents, he'd say Germany. "Maybe my time jumping is connected to Nathan somehow..." he thought. "...or Skitza."

With that, Simon began to scout the town. He drew many stares and oppressive looks. "Skin color again."

[what he failed to realize was that they were shocked by his bicycle shorts]

[and what he also failed to realize is that he could've generated a new image upon insertion, but he gave it no thought]

He saw a hooded robe conveniently on the road and threw it on. It helped him remain unseen, until hours later, when -A man came up to him, covered in dirt and blood.

"I am the Hobo, I am here to help you."

"Why am I in Germany" Simon asked.

"Before your journey continues you must choose a path,"

"Very well, my life is made of decisions like this, so what are the choices?"

"Pirate or Ninja?" The Hobo asked.

Something was wrong with the hobo that Simon noticed. It had shades and an earpiece.

"An agent" Simon thought.

"Well...Samurai!" Simon said as he sliced at the agent. The agent leapt backwards and lunged at Simon with god like speed. Simon's training however had prepared him for this and Simon was also able to bend the Matrix to his will as well. Simon stopped the agent mid jump and force crushed it's chest, The agent sparked and died revealing the dead body of a German soldier.

"Well that was easy."

Simon saw something out of the corner of his eye. Another black man with a sword. Simon chased after him down alleys and atop buildings. The black man with shades and a sword seemed to be as skillful as Simon and seamed to be leading him somewhere. The man and Simon finally came to a halt at a bombed out monestary. Men in robes seemed to be in a circle, one of which was Nathan, another was Christopher Walken, Skitza and a Black man..."no!" Simon thought. It was Cosby...although he looked different, instead of a sweater vest he had a jacket!

"Who are you?" Simon whispered to the black man.

"I am Blade the vampire hunter, I'm here to help you and your team in and outside of the Matrix. Skitza and Walken and Cosby are building up ammo for one last attack inside and outside of the Matrix."

"Ammo?" Simon asked.

A time portal opened in the middle of the hooded men...Out walked a rather large figure.

"......no! It can't be!!!! Impossible!" Simon thought. It was what appeared to be a ten foot robot tank dragon creature. It was Bludgeon.

Simon heard of the horrors this particular creature created and how hard he was to beat. However, Bludgeon's appearance looked different however, he was smaller only a little taller than Simon himself. He didn't have a large cannon anymore, it was instead replaced by a blade. Suddenly, Bludgeon did something that horrified Simon. He changed his appearance as if an Agent in the Matrix would. He changed from bludgeon, to Morpheus.

"That must have been how he tricked Nathan!" Simon thought.

The group of men conversed. Simon heard the words super agents, and war. The men laughed, then walked through the portal. Dragging Nathan with them.

"We gotta save Nathan, he has no idea what's going on."

"I know, they need Nathan for some reason and are lying to keep him." Blade said

Blade and Simon rushed through the portal after them.

*****************************************************************


*****************************************************************


"It can't be...." Robert thought.

"Bludgeon is back." Morpheus said grimly.

"I know, well if those fukers want to get reinforcements we'll get our own. I'm calling Chaz on ship #777."

"They're the ship responsible for saving most of the humans! Chaz is a legend!" Morpheus replied.

"Not only am I getting Chaz but I'm going to get Apoc to summon all of his famous friends as well......."

"You do know this may end everything...." Morpheus said.

"There's no other way." Robert said as he walked over to the com link on Stark's ship.

"Hey Stark, Robert here...I need you to do me a favor and gather some people for me.....we're going hunting........."

*****************************************************************


"Robert, Stark here. We got a problem."

"What?"

"All of my ships are out of gas, and I'm kinda of drunk."

"Drunk? When were you drinking?"

"Its filtered in my Iron Man suit and lemme tell you buddy, it's awesome!"

"Well hopefully Apoc will-"

"Hey, Robert..."Apoc began "We can't reach ship #777 on any frequency. I think it's spring break in the Matrix."

"Well, maybe we can-"

"Yeah, about that. All our jacks are kinda messed up. I think Nathan sabotaged us."

"You mean-"

"Yes - Simon, the man who we took from his adventures in Japan, the man who can move about through the Matrix sublets, the man skillful enough to kill pretty much anything, and the man who's actually at the heart of all this chaos - will actually have to take care of things on his own, without any outside help from us or heaven or space or Vancouver."

"And we just sit here and stay out of it?"

"Yep."

"Stark, you got any more beer?"

* * * *

On the other side of the portal was a highly-advanced city of lights, machinations, and skyscrapers taller than most buildings Blade, Simon, or even Cosby and Walken had seen. Many people could be seen milling about, as if nothing unusual was going on. Suddenly, a gigantic sphere of water rose from the west.

The crowds panicked and ran from the giant ball of water that began to encroach upon them. Most of the crowds, anyway. Walking calmly, against the rushing current of people fleeing what could be their doom, was a man in his early 30s wearing a red coat on one arm, and carrying a big sword. One eye on the giant waterball, the other eye on his destination, he moved toward Blade and Simon.

******************************************

Morpheus recognized the man in the red coat as Auron, someone he had fought alongside before. "Looks like Simon's getting some help after all. Stark, can you get me into contact with the man closest to Simon?" But as soon as the -on of Simon left his lips, the viewing screens for the Matrix code went blank. "DAMMIT!" Morpheus smashed a keyboard as he slammed his fist down in anger.

******************************************

Auron introduced himself quickly to Blade and Simon. The ball of water shrunk to reveal a freakish-looking flying behemoth with a multitude of purple eyes, brownish-grey skin, a beaklike mouth, and fins. The behemoth launched living scales from its back to attack the intruders, along with a squid-like thingy. Simon frantically searched the area for Cosby, Walken, and Bludgeon, to no avail.

"What the hell is that thing?" Blade said aloud.

"We call it Sin, since it arose from the sin of mankind," Auron replied. "Enough of that now. It attacks!"

With that, Sin's recently-launched scales landed all around the group, blocking their escape. "Lulu, I need an Ultima program uploaded, now!" Auron shouted, and moments later, a dark ball of explosions enclosed Sin's scales and annihilated them. Blade was most intrigued.

"So you know of the Matrix too? Most interesting...Morpheus would be glad to hear of this. If I could contact him, that is." Blade tried to contact Morpheus, but he kept getting a busy signal. Something was terribly wrong with the Matrix. Again.

Meanwhile, Simon was hacking away at the giant squid a fair distance away. He felt gradually weaker as the monster attacked, but each weakening felt less severe than the last. With one last hack, Simon managed to fell the beast, which dissipated in a flurry of glowing light particle thingys. As soon as the final blow was struck, Sin commenced causing mass destruction of everything it could manage. Simon slid off the now-breaking ground, clinging for dear life. Blade hopped up the morass of concrete, metal, and random stuff toward Sin. Auron simply stood his ground. Sin took Blade in a flash of light, then approached Auron. "Are you sure about this?" Auron asked Sin. As if he had received an answer, Auron walked over to Simon and extended his hand. "This is your story, Simon." With that, a flash of light surrounded Auron and Simon, and Simon's vision became severely distorted...

******************************************

Auron, Simon and Blade were now suddenly on an island off the tropics. It was modern day as cars on the above highway on the cliff whizzed by.

"Nice weather at least" Auron said.

"Where are Nathan and the others?"

"Who are you talking about?" Auron asked.

Blade and Simon explained the whole story to Auron. Bludgeon, Walken, and Cosby, they told everything.

".....sounds like you guys have had your hands full for quite a while." Auron said.

"I think I see them over by that quick shop..." Blade said. The group headed into the quick shop stealthily. The two Clerks looked at them in confusion.

"What in the hell is this again? Another save the world fiasco bull crap with celebrities again?" said one of the the clerks.

"Randal, they're customers...be nice!" another said. "Wait....Blade? Oh man, long time no see! Haven't seen you since New Jersey! What are you guys doing here!?"

Blade introduced Dante and Randall to Auron and Simon as they talked and explained everything....again.

"J.e.sus **bleep** almighty. Your telling me those two stoners Jay and bob got into heaven? Bob maybe...but Jay!? Guess the whole world really WAS against them." Randal said.

"At least we got relocated to the tropics, they even U hauled our same store and everything." Dante said.

"Nice…got any gatorade?" Auron asked.

"Yes, but not that many...oh hell take as much as you want." Randall said sighing.

"Sounds like you guys have a hell of a time going on these adventures to save the world and the Matrix....mind if we join?" Randall asked.

"But what about the store?" Dante said.

"Man fuk the store, just put the d4mn closed sign up!" Randall said.

"It already is UP! Randal! You left it up didn't you! AND you left on the coffee pot!" Dante yelled.

"Hey man, relax. Let's just go...the store will be here when we get back. I promise."

The group along with Dante and Randall headed out of the store. Dante locked the doors. Just as they got a couple of yards away the store exploded into a fireball........

"Dude......that was freakin awesome !" Randal said. "What the hell, Randal?! What are we going to do now?" Dante said." Jeez man, are you that freakin’ slow? We, my friend, are going to help save the world" Randal said. " Look we don't have time to waste. Cosby & Walken are already ahead of us. we need to make up the distance." balde said. " wait you guys." Auron said." what is it Auron?" Simon asked" " don't you feel it? something is not right here." just as Auron said this a gernade went off twenty feet away from them. " **bleep** it !!!! It's Walken !! we gotta find some cover. hurry up!!!" Blade yelled as another blast went off, knocking Dante, Randal, and a raft into the ocean, Blade and Auron into a palm tree, and Simon into the sand. Simon felt a seizure and within a blink of an eye, he was gone.

Blade and Auron climbed down out of the tree. "Where'd Simon go?"

"The brother's gone after Nathan."

"Aren't we gonna help him?"

"Some things you just have to do...alone."

"Like whacking it!" Randal shouted from the raft.

* * * *

Simon awoke back in Berlin, Nathan staring at him. "You killed them , didn't you?"

"Who?"

"My brothers!!!!"

"I didn't even know your brothers, Nathan. I'm from the medieval times."

"You're a demon, THAT's what you are!"

"Nathan, Walken and Cosby have lied to you. They are pawns of the demon Skitza. He uses them to manipulate events as to better suit him and his thirst for conquest!"

"No, it is you and your terrorists who seek to destroy everything that they have built!"

"What they have built is a lie. Can't you see that with your own eyes! Are you blind?"

"No. For the first time, my eyes are wide open. And I see. I SEE!!!" And with that, Nathan, sword in hand, charged at Simon.

* * * *

Meanwhile out of the sky came Alucard And Seras Victoria From Hellsing who landed on Dante and Randal.

Where The Hell Am I? Asked Alucard, Looking Confused but still trying to look intimidating as always.

"You guys know how to get to dry land?"

"Dry land's a myth!"

* * * *

Blade and Auron chilled on the island until out from under the sand rose a legion of barbaric mimes, led by ....WHO DO YOU THINK? WHO ELSE COULD IT BE? HOW IS IT ALWAYS? THAT'S RIGHT - Christopher Walken! "Boys, boys. I say it's time, we get jiggy wit it, huh?"

Blade looked at Auron. "He didn't just say get jiggy wit it, did he?"

"At least it gives us something to do, huh?" Auron said as the two brothers of the sword engaged in battle.

* * * *

Simon and Nathan clashed swords in East Berlin, and for some reason, no one seemed to care.

"I should be thanking you, Simon. Killing my brothers has given my life meaning."

"There is no meaning in death, Nathan. There never is."

The two dueled across the rooftops, down the alleys, on hills, under bridges, in the ladies' room, everywhere. They were almost equals, but for every ounce of rage Nathan used to overpower Simon, Simon matched with patience and focus.

"Yield!" Nathan said as he sent Simon off balance and slammed him into a wall. "YIELD! I will have my vengeance!"

Simon wiped the blood from his mouth. "How little you know of honor." And with that, Simon lunged forward and sent his blade through Nathan's heart.

Mimes? Auron had seen a lot of strange things, from flaming blobs to exploding gift-giving urns to treasure chests that could kick his butt. But deadly mimes? That was just too weird. The mimes quickly formed an invisible wall around Blade and Auron, then tossed mime-grenades inside. Auron charged at the mimes, only to be met with a bloody nose and a mild concussion from smacking wall. Blade, wiser, started dancing and "swinging his sword wildly" (in reality returning the mimes' lobs). Auron stood back up and began trying to hack his way through the invisible wall, while Blade fragged the mimes with their own grenades. Gradually their numbers thinned, until the only ones remaining were those who had mimed up a nuclear bomb...

Christopher Walken quickly retreated.

"Oh crap a nuke!" Blade said.

"We got this said a voice" Alucard, Seras Victoria, and Randal Dante duo came flying down from the air in a raft.

Alucard used his in human speed to slow down time. He merely walked over to the mime's nuke and defused it taking out the charges and plutonium. He also broke down the invisible barrier and carried everyone to safety up on a cliff over looking the mimes. Alucard then snapped his fingers and everyone looked around astonished.

"What in the hell just happened! Feels like I smoked a bud and whacked it for about an hour!" Randal said.

"Gross man!" Dante said. "Wait...look!"

Everyone peered down at the mimes who were being melted away by the plutonium core of the defused nuke. After all the mimes melted the tide came in and cooled the plutonium.

"Who the hell did that?" Blade asked

"It was I Alucard.."

"Another daywalker..." Blade thought. "Like me...well except white."

"Where did Simon go?" asked Dante.

"He disappeared within the Matrix. He should have found Nathan by now." Auron replied. "Let him fight this on his own."

"Man fuk that! My store just got blown the fuk up and now we can't do anything about it!? Well I don't know about you and your arm in a sling but me and Dante aren't just gonna sit here and let fate fuk us in the @**bleep** and push us down the stairs like it always does. You guys are heroes, well now it's time to cowboy the fuk up and start acting like it!" Randall yelled.

"......man's got a point." Blade said.

"Look a portal" Seras Victoria said pointing behind them.

The portal emereged out of a rock wall.

"Well let's go you freaks...je.sus. I may not know how to fight but I know how to dollywhop and **bleep** punch people." Randall said.

"Good thing I brought some Gatorade." Dante said as the group walked into the portal

*****************************************************************


Nathan lay bleeding against a wall. He and Simon's fight ended atop a balcony in a church.

"You bast4rd..." Nathan gasped. "You'll pay dearly."

"I won't pay for anything. You brought this upon yourself. You believed in Walken' BS story and now your paying for it. Thanks to our fight Skitza, Cosby, Walken and Bludgeon are planning to destroy the Matrix and the real world. I'm giving you a last chance here, I can save your life and you can help be a part of the solution....or you can die. The same blood runs in us Nathan."

"Yeah...the blood of angels cast out of heaven and forced to be devils..." Nathan said.

"That's my line..." said a voice from the darkness.

Out walked a man in a trench coat and white hair. A Raven perched on his shoulder skwaked. The man carried a katana similar to Simon's.

"Who are you?" Simon asked.

"Vicious."

"There once was a man named Neo, One man who, played by Keanu Reeves, was the summation of the Matrix's will to restore balance and eliminate its own errors. He was the sixth intergration of such a thing. You and Nathan are, combined, the seventh. Your actions will dictate what will happen next."

"Does dying count as an action?"

Simon held out his hand to Nathan. Nathan ignored it and looked at Vicious. "If I die, to I join my brothers?" Vicious nodded. "Then I choose to die."

Simon backed away and left Nathan to his fate. He turned to Vicious. "If Nathan and I are the only two who can phase back and forth between sublets, then that must mean Skitza doesn't still exist, because his sublet had been and always was modern times."

"Correct."

"Then how is Walken and Grace Jones able to move about? Cosby?"

Viscious nodded.

"Then when do I meet Skitza?"

"You never did. You just knew."

"This Matrix is confusing. Not in the sense that I fail to comprehend, but I fail to see its value if those machines were defeated."

"Ignorance is bliss, my samurai friend, and your destiny awaits..."

* * * * *

Dante awoke, laying in a pool of goo. Wires were snapping off, hissing as their connection to his nervous system aborted.

"It's true. It's really true."

Then, Dante was thrown into a sea of sewage, to be rescued by...Randal. "Come on, fugly. We're gonna learn how to save the world."

* * * * *

Simon stood atop MountWeezy, the Japanese landscape calming his senses and clearing his mind. Then, it struck him. He knew what he had to do. And, he knew how to do it.

It was time to delete the Matrix.





THE END...THUS FAR